In this time of duking it out for positions in a tight job market and the increase of applications that need processing, companies have turned to outside resourcing to assist them in shuffling through all of the applications getting thrown at them. Many of then have turned to a third-party “workforce management” company called Kronos. The Kronos Company bought out another company that devised the test. The company was “Unicru.” Thus, the “Unicru Test.”
This is one of those tests you run into if you apply for a job online. It is a series of statements followed by the multiple choice answers, “Agree, Disagree, Strongly Agree, or Strongly Disagree.” Well!
This got me thinking about what a test for a good bird caregiver would look like. So I devised my own. It’s a tongue in cheek test simply for fun to acknowledge the feelings of frustration, confusion and minor irritations Parrot Caregivers deal with every day.
I’m a huge believer in allowing for the frustrations as well as the gratification, amusement and comfort our birds give us. You simply can’t have one without recognizing the other. It’s a tough road we chose. But only by recognizing the sheer work and force of will it sometimes takes to deal with them day after day can we recognize and take pride in the good things that happen as a result of our work. And if we have a sense of humor about it, all the better!
I call this test the “Uni’too Parrot Household Personality Inventory.” If you’d like to take it, I’m sure you will all triumph with the position of “Parrot Household Caregiver” offered to you, but only, and I say only mind you, if you are perfectly honest. If you lie, you will flunk and have to suffer the shame of knowing you lied your keester off in order to get the position. While lying works with the Unicru test, it will throw you right into the ditch here. But to make it easier, I have provided clues that will give you an idea of how you might feel about each answer. It’s a short test, but deadly in its accuracy.
The “Uni’too Parrot Household Personality Inventory.”
1.) When your parrot refuses to come out of his cage, throws his cooked pumpkin on your brand new dress pants, bites off a newly manicured nail and takes a crap on your semi-expensive oriental rug after having eaten spaghetti sauce, you ignore it.
A. Strongly Agree ( I am a Nun.)
B. Agree (He’s such a little hoodlum, I just take it in stride.)
C. Disagree (At this point I’m so pissed off, I have to leave the room. This “time out” is for me.)
D. Strongly Disagree (I’m ready to drag the little sucker behind a truck. But I don’t because I took the “time out” and locked myself in the bathroom repeatedly dousing my head with cold water until I got it together long enough to deal with him rationally. He’s just doing what he does, it comes naturally and I know it. But I also know when to head for the faucet.)
2.) You love to listen to your parrots go on a rant for about four hours screaming at the top of their little leather lungs.
A. Strongly Agree (I’m a masochist.)
B. Agree (Well, it’s to be expected now and then. Not that I like it…)
C. Disagree (Are you kidding? I have to leave the house until my sanity returns.)
D. Strongly Disagree (If those little feathered Boomboxes don’t shut the flyin’ hell up soon, I’m going to superglue my ears shut and move to Nepal.)
3.) You swear when you argue with your parrots.
A. Strongly Agree (Most of the swear words I know, I learned from the Amazon I adopted. Good God, that bird is an artist!)
B. Agree ( Well Yeah! I’m not freakin’ Mother Theresa for God’s sake!)
C. Disagree (Well, yes. But I just get so mad, dammit!)
D. Strongly Disagree (Never! I don’t swear. I simply quote George Carlin.)
4.) You have sometimes thought seriously about just finding your birds new homes.
A. Strongly Agree (Oh, come on! Absolutely! When I’ve just set the table for the dinner that took me three days to prepare for my In-Laws who are afraid of my birds anyway? And then those little gangsters get on there and clear it like they were bussing a table at a Greek restaurant! Who in their right mind wouldn’t entertain this thought?)
B. Agree ( Yes, but I was kind of angry about the four-inch diameter hole in the dining room drywall. )
C. Disagree ( My babies? Never!)
D. Strongly Disagree (Patricia, you will go to hell for even thinking of this question.)
Corinne Graehame’s Best Friend, Charlie Too
5.) Despite everything, the mess, the noise, the destruction, the wreckage, the insane workload, and the insanity, I’m a better person because of those little criminals.
A. Strongly Agree (Oh, good God yes! I love the little dudes and despite the fact that they have reduced my house to rubble, I don’t give a damn. I’m stronger, more patient and have more love for them than I knew I was capable of. I’m steadier and a much better human because of them. I had no idea I would change the way I did and my life has been profoundly better despite the challenges.)
B. Agree (Well, they’re hard but it’s kind of part of the deal. I take care of them and that’s that.)
C. Disagree ( They have a nanny. And a cleaning person. And a trainer. I don’t have to deal with any of that so it’s all good here!)
D. Strongly Disagree (Criminals? Criminals? How could you even suggest such a thing? You obviously don’t know me and you can’t judge my birds! You’re not the boss of me! *Major sobbing*)
There is no answer key. I’ll just let the test speak for itself.
November 10, 2010 at 9:25 am
Parrot Nation starts my day better than a cup of coffee. Whooda thunk?
November 10, 2010 at 9:33 am
Aww, thanks Irena! I just hope people recognize the fact that this is all in in good fun. It’s just a snarky column meant to acknowledge our darkest moments. But the good thing is, we simply trudge on.
November 10, 2010 at 9:48 am
LOL……. always gets a smile on my face at Parrot Nation. The test is so funny. I think I had many answers!
November 10, 2010 at 9:26 pm
Debbie, it was meant to make you smile and feel good that everyone gets frustrated. By recognizing that, we can laugh at ourselves and get back to the business of caring for our birds!
November 10, 2010 at 10:12 am
Well I think EVERYONE knows how I feel about my parrots – love them like no other. Love me, love my parrots.
Ginny, Koko, Citron and Sky Bug xx
November 10, 2010 at 10:16 am
Virginia, you are the consummate parrot caregiver. I think we all feel the same way. I wish more people felt the way you did. I know of a woman who went through hell when her husband left her due to her flock. She let him go. I think she made the right choice.
November 11, 2010 at 3:14 am
I think she made the correct choice as well. I ended a relationship for the same reason – we did not see eye to eye about my birds. He said all sorts of things putting my love for my flock down but I just put my foot down and said it is my way or the highway – he hit the highway. They will always come first in my life!
Virginia & the Hayes flock
November 10, 2010 at 1:07 pm
I have 3 Scarlets. Scar is the first part of their name…although I don’t see snuggle anywhere in there and that’s part of it too. Best thing I ever did was share my life with them. Earplugs are occasionally a nice thing to have.
November 10, 2010 at 1:22 pm
The post was a humorous comment about what we all occasionally go through with our birds. Snuggling is just wonderful and I think it’s therapeutic for both birds and humans alike. But this wasn’t about that, I guess. It was just a fun post meant in good humor, that’s all.
November 10, 2010 at 2:24 pm
I like the the 4th answer to number 4! ha ha. They are messy, noisy, expensive, time consuming and to top it off, they bite….but cannot imagine my life without them!!
November 10, 2010 at 2:34 pm
Me neither Mary, me neither!
November 10, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Thanks for the laughs ( chortle chortle!), Patricia! I needed this today!
November 10, 2010 at 2:50 pm
Glad to do it Peggy! I think we all need to laugh at ourselves once in a while.
November 10, 2010 at 4:16 pm
My flat is shared with the worst kind of flat sharers ever – A Cockatoo, A Grey, and three cockatiels, who throw their food on the floor and their toilet manners are something to be desired…not. But I wouldn’t have it any other way, of course.
November 10, 2010 at 4:32 pm
We can all relate to that. I don’t think any of us would have it any other way.
November 10, 2010 at 7:20 pm
That was GREAT!!! Thanks for the laugh. And for acknowledging that even though we absolutely love and adore our birds, we also get frustrated with them. And that’s OK! I have this weekend off if you want to do lunch.
November 10, 2010 at 7:52 pm
You’re welcome for that laugh. So many people forget to mention how frustrating it is to have birds sometimes. I don’t forget. Lunch actually sounds terrific!
November 10, 2010 at 7:53 pm
Is “personality inventory” code for “parrot induced insanity”? Thanks for the laugh!
November 10, 2010 at 8:00 pm
I think the “Inventory” part is where you do an inventory of your own sanity and realize as you are going through that big empty closet of your sanity, that you have none left! And standing right in the middle are all of your parrots beckoning you to join them! Weird part is, we always do! And we do it happily!
November 11, 2010 at 12:12 am
OMG! That was hilarious and allowed me to be truthful to myself. Patricia, you’re like the bird slaves psychiatrist! I REALLY needed this! Thank you!
November 11, 2010 at 9:44 am
Lynne, you’re welcome. I think the more honest we are about how we feel, the healthier we are. Admitting that they drive us nuts is the first step to a better relationship with them. At least that’s how I feel. All of a sudden there are people finally admitting that at times, their birds drive them insane. And I think that’s perfectly normal. Talking about it makes us realize we’re not alone. We’re not the lone freak who sometimes gets so upset with their birds behavior that they want to give up. Problem is, most people won’t admit this. Consequently, they think nobody else has these issues.
November 11, 2010 at 9:51 am
November 11, 2010 at 11:45 am
My G-d, what a talent you are! This was the best morning wakeup ever! Takes me back to all the little frustrations and occurances there have been over the years!
WHO COULD FORGET:
Adolph (TAG) screaming “get outa here!” at a repairman and scaring the crap out of him!
Teo (BWJ) deciding to redecorate my bookshelves, making confetti out of many of the dust jackets (…you turn your back for one minute…)
Simone (TAG) leaving foot- and beak-prints all over a bowl of sweet potato casserole (not the portion I gave her as her own, but the one I was about to serve to guests…)
We wouldn’t have it any other way, would we? (or would we?)
November 11, 2010 at 12:44 pm
Jackie, thank you! I wouldn’t have it any other way either. But as I’ve said, this is an honest, yet humorous look at how we sometimes feel. I’m not saying I would ever do any of those things, I think I made that clear. But let’s be honest here…Occasionally they make us crazy!
November 14, 2010 at 10:00 am
This post reminds me of the one thing that frustrates me about my bird, Stormy (TAG). I cannot even leave the room without her screaming at me until I get back. Often I have to take her with me from room to room, even if I am gone less than 5 minutes. I always tell myself that this is what she would do to her mate in the wild when they were out of her sight and she does it because she loves me too.
Since she’s just a baby (8 months old), she still doesn’t understand “Be Right Back”, but until she does, I have to be patient.
February 16, 2012 at 1:09 am
When you love birds like you and I do, it’s not work, but love intaking care of them! Tom and I love our Redlored Amazon parrot, Ginger very much! She has been with us nearly 23 years! After we move to Florida, and get settled in, we are considering adopting a rescue bird. Ginger is our feathered angel!
February 17, 2012 at 2:46 pm
Yeah, they do kind of claw their way into your heart…
February 16, 2012 at 12:05 pm
Loved the test! It really made me giggle as I glanced at the big hole in my new blinds !!!!!! My home would not be a home without my flock. Even my 2 dogs have come to realize that if you sit under the jungle ropes, you’re gonna have fur full of poo.
February 17, 2012 at 2:45 pm
February 16, 2012 at 7:42 pm
Ladies, try the toilet manners of many conure species. Clean up on aisle 5 isn’t a start! Love the fids. They are mine until God asks for them back. Hope you had a great Hatchday, Patricia. This was ever better than your Memo to Pepper, Parker and Nyla!
February 16, 2012 at 7:46 pm
Of course it is…I’m not being edited here. My blog, my point of view, When you write for someone else, you kind of have to reign it in.