I don’t mind vacuuming. Really I don’t. I just didn’t know it would be a full-time career. I have a good vacuum cleaner and it’s rather soothing to be able to run my Dyson vacuum cleaner around the floor and pick up all of the crap my birds felt like tossing around that day. I should also point out that I’m on my fourth vacuum cleaner since I got my first bird, Parker. African Grey dander is absolute hell on a vacuum cleaner.

Perhaps you aren’t aware of it, but my birds are pigs. Instead of “Psittacus Erithacus erithacus,” they really should be classified as: “Psittacus Erithacus Suidae.” Sorry, just a little “scientific classification” humor.

Good God. I like a clean house and rarely ever have one. Allow me to clarify this. This is not the level of filth you will find on “Hoarders.” My level of tolerance isn’t very high. I really can’t handle much of a mess for very long before it begins making my skin crawl. My idea of a mess is very different than others. To me, this is a mess:

This the way I want it to be:

The way I like the play stand floors to look:

This is the way it is after breakfast:

I mean really…

Does it have to be that way? Poop, I understand. The effect of gravity on poop? I totally get it. Poop drops. That’s a given. But what’s with the beans, the carrots, and the pasta?  So I have come up with some things that make my constant roaming around and picking up after my winged pigs a little easier.

First of all, I can’t sit down for ten damned minutes before I’m up and messing with something. Stuff on the floor screws up my “eye line” and it bothers me. This explains all of the vacuuming. I’ve even vacuumed their play stands. In order to cut the milage down on my roaming and randomly cleaning as I’m wandering around, I’ve strategically placed some things within reach:

This is the vertical post of Parker’s play stand. That’s a little mini-dust pan and broom hanging there within easy reach to tidy up the stands. See?

Also within easy reach is a spray bottle of “Simple Green” Cleaner and a damp cloth; perfect for those spontaneous bombs. And on the other play stand?

Same scenario, but I added a roll of paper towels. Sure beats running around and looking for the cleaning stuff every time “Somebirdie” takes a dump on the floor. I tell you it’s the little things that add up to an easier life with these guys. Got any good tips on keeping up appearances? Let me know and I’ll post them. The best idea posted wins a “Ring-Around-The-Rainbow” bird toy. All “cleaning and tidying”  ideas will be posted. So look around and see what it is that you do that makes your life easier, and put them here! Deadline is Noon on Thursday, March 11th, 2010. Just send me a comment on this post and include your best “Keeping Up Appearances” tip. Pictures would be great if they help explain your tip. I have to go now; Parker just “bombed” on the wheel caster of his “House.”