Parrot Nation

My first Grey Parker has developed yet another crush. I never wrote about this issue in the Column, Memo to Parker and Pepper because I didn’t quite know how to approach it.

Parker has a terrible habit of developing crushes on my female friends. That was fine by me as it avoided any situation of him developing any feelings for me that I umm….would find uncomfortable. As it stands now I am simply his housekeeper and chef, a role I happily play. I noticed early on that Parker had a thing for blonde women. He would perk up and stare at them if we were out somewhere. So I thought for a while that it was the hair color that attracted him. As I am a redhead, that was just fine by me. When he learned the wolf whistle, he would liberally whistle at them which of course delighted these women. He became quite the bounder, but they loved it.

Over the years, he developed attachments or “crushes” on various friends of mine. Tamara, who lived next door, had black hair and he was wild about her. To Parker, Tamara was simply the cat’s pajamas. He would be so very happy when she stopped by. It eventually developed into him re-gurging his food on her. Unfortunately Tamara had a weak stomach so this would practically send her into the bathroom to re-gurge her own lunch.

Parker at the first Chopalooza. He was tired and dozed off on the shoulder of a complete stranger. He’s easygoing. Usually…

Tamara moved on with her life, she got married, moved out of the building and had a son. Naturally, I don’t see her any more. But that happens occasionally. People move on and that’s okay.

Parker’s next crush was my friend Leeann who is an excellent dog trainer and by chance also happens to be a flight attendant. She’s quite busy with her dual career so while I speak to her occasionally on the phone, she doesn’t come around much due to her schedule. Parker thought Leeann was just his style and he loved sitting with her. She also had black hair. Consequently, I just thought he had moved out of his “blonde phase” and was now into raven-haired women.

My friend Nan has been in Parker’s life since he was very young and his “crushes” for some reason never extended to her. It’s probably because Nan looks after my my Greys when I’m flying or on the road. So perhaps she has been relegated to the same “Chief Cook and Water Bottle Washer” status as me. She has red hair. Maybe that’s it. I don’t know.

Then came Nancy. (Cue romantic violin music.)

Nancy is a Flight Attendant and she’s a blonde. Nancy lives in Nashville and commutes to Miami where she flies “Deep South” as we call it. Deep South is Brazil and Argentina, trips I don’t care to do. She is senior to me, having just completed 30 years with the company so her ability to “bid and hold” these trips by virtue of her seniority work for her. When Nancy flies, she commutes into Miami and backs her trips up next to each other. She stays in my spare room and will stay overnight, then fly out the next day, return to stay another night and out she goes again, completing a series of 3 or 4 trips and then she flies back to Nashville for a block of time. A week or so later: rinse and repeat. Even when she’s here, I don’t see her much. After about a year of this, Parker has developed yet another crush and she is now the “Marilyn Monroe” of his life. He simply adores her. Pepper likes her just fine, but she just wants to chew on her flip-flops. She has developed a taste for them and has ruined at least 2 pairs of Nancy’s flip-flops and at least one pair of Nan’s.

Unfortunately, when Nancy comes in, Parker turns into a real jerk. He knows she’s in the other room and he simply can’t stand it. He wants to be within eyeshot of her. And if he can’t see her, he calls for her. Repeatedly. If she so much as goes into the kitchen to make a tuna sandwich, all hell breaks loose.

Even after she leaves for a trip or to return home, he forgets she’s not at our home and Nan or I have to take him around to each of the rooms and show him that she is no longer there. That seems to settle him down as he is assured that he isn’t missing anything and he’ll stop calling for her. It’s enough to make me nuts. All I can say is, thank God Nancy is an animal person. I was concerned about this at first when she asked if she could commute out of my spare room. I told her I had 3 parrots and well, sometimes things get a bit rough around the edges. She laughed! She said, “You think I’m concerned about a little parrot poop? I mucked out horse stalls for years! Now that’s some poop!”

It’s been over a year now and it works just fine for both of us. When she’s here, she’s not really here, but we get out for lunch occasionally. She gets along with both Bill and Nan and of course Parker is ecstatic.

Now if I could just get the little bugger to quit screaming when she’s in the other room.