First Class Airplane Lav

First Class Lavatory of a 737…looks just like the coach lavatory.

People sometimes wonder why I can casually wipe parrot poop off of the back of my T-shirt with a napkin and go on typing. “Ewww! How can you stand that?” Well, it’s pretty easy, actually. Parrot poop doesn’t smell, doesn’t stain and it’s fairly inoffensive. Many of you know I work at 35,000 feet. I spend a LOT of time at 35,000 feet.

Head in the Clouds…

 For the most part, I don’t mind it. I used to LOVE it, but that was 25 years ago when the job was new and shiny and people treated you differently. Now? Well, it’s a job. With a lot of perks. I don’t particularly mind it most days but then there are days when it just blows. Yesterday was one of those days when I would have rather spent the day with a parrot on each shoulder raining poop down my back.

It was an uneventful flight for the most part. We had some great guys in the cockpit, nobody knocked me on my keester, nobody threw up, (Truly a miracle day!) and everyone did what they were supposed to do. We were on our way back to Fort Lauderdale, we were pretty much on time and I didn’t have 18 people needing wheelchairs; we only had five.

I had finished picking up the trash in the back and was heading up to first class to help tidy that up to prepare for landing. I also had to go to the bathroom in the worst way. Humidity is about 10% up there, so we drink a couple of litres of water before, during and after the flights. So I picked up a few things in First Class as I made my way up to the galley and lavatory situated right behind the flight deck on the left. (By the way, it always cracks me up when people who are looking for the lav door, try to open the cockpit door. Where in the hell do they think the pilots are sitting?)

Nuts to you…whoever flooded the first class lav!

Dita the Purser was stowing stuff, so I dropped the glasses and napkins I had picked up and opened the lav door. Whoaaaaaah! I don’t know who the guilty party was, but whoever had used the lav had decided NOT to lift the lid of the toilet. Ohhh, no! They just went ahead and piddled right on the floor. Oh yes they did! It was a veritable flood in there. I did not take a photo. You’re welcome.

Ackkkk! And the smell? Honey, it smelled like a bad nursing home. All I could think of was now having to carry fishing waders with me on my flights along with all of the other crap I carry. I’m used to some pretty gross stuff, but this for some particular reason sent me right over the edge. I think it was just that smell…  I just don’t understand how anyone, and I mean anyone outside of some lost tribe in The Amazon, cannot understand the use of a toilet. It’s pretty simple; you just lift the lid and have at it. And that my dear Bleaders, is why I don’t mind parrot poop.