First Class Lavatory of a 737…looks just like the coach lavatory.
People sometimes wonder why I can casually wipe parrot poop off of the back of my T-shirt with a napkin and go on typing. “Ewww! How can you stand that?” Well, it’s pretty easy, actually. Parrot poop doesn’t smell, doesn’t stain and it’s fairly inoffensive. Many of you know I work at 35,000 feet. I spend a LOT of time at 35,000 feet.
Head in the Clouds…
For the most part, I don’t mind it. I used to LOVE it, but that was 25 years ago when the job was new and shiny and people treated you differently. Now? Well, it’s a job. With a lot of perks. I don’t particularly mind it most days but then there are days when it just blows. Yesterday was one of those days when I would have rather spent the day with a parrot on each shoulder raining poop down my back.
It was an uneventful flight for the most part. We had some great guys in the cockpit, nobody knocked me on my keester, nobody threw up, (Truly a miracle day!) and everyone did what they were supposed to do. We were on our way back to Fort Lauderdale, we were pretty much on time and I didn’t have 18 people needing wheelchairs; we only had five.
I had finished picking up the trash in the back and was heading up to first class to help tidy that up to prepare for landing. I also had to go to the bathroom in the worst way. Humidity is about 10% up there, so we drink a couple of litres of water before, during and after the flights. So I picked up a few things in First Class as I made my way up to the galley and lavatory situated right behind the flight deck on the left. (By the way, it always cracks me up when people who are looking for the lav door, try to open the cockpit door. Where in the hell do they think the pilots are sitting?)
Nuts to you…whoever flooded the first class lav!
Dita the Purser was stowing stuff, so I dropped the glasses and napkins I had picked up and opened the lav door. Whoaaaaaah! I don’t know who the guilty party was, but whoever had used the lav had decided NOT to lift the lid of the toilet. Ohhh, no! They just went ahead and piddled right on the floor. Oh yes they did! It was a veritable flood in there. I did not take a photo. You’re welcome.
Ackkkk! And the smell? Honey, it smelled like a bad nursing home. All I could think of was now having to carry fishing waders with me on my flights along with all of the other crap I carry. I’m used to some pretty gross stuff, but this for some particular reason sent me right over the edge. I think it was just that smell… I just don’t understand how anyone, and I mean anyone outside of some lost tribe in The Amazon, cannot understand the use of a toilet. It’s pretty simple; you just lift the lid and have at it. And that my dear Bleaders, is why I don’t mind parrot poop.
Parker
Patricia Sund
Parrot Nation 
March 18, 2012 at 9:19 am
Aww man, that sucks! Yeah, I’d rather have 2 parrots raining poop down my back too! I’ve worked in a truck stop before, though, and had to clean human waste out of showers and restroom floors/doors/walls and urinals. I think some people just get to the point they don’t care about anyone else besides themselves.
At least my African grey warns me, either before or after the fact!
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March 18, 2012 at 9:25 am
I love it! I once went to work with parrot poop on my shoulder, not realizing it until my co-worker politely commented that I had something “green” on the back of my shirt after half my shift was over! Lol! They all know I have a parrot! I bring in old BirdTalk magazines to leave at work when I get new issues! Now I have a couple of co-workers thinkng they might want a parrot!
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March 18, 2012 at 9:25 am
It never ceases to amaze me that we share the world with this type of person. It’s terrifying!
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March 18, 2012 at 9:41 am
I don’t work in the “high” class atmosphere as you, but I do manage a convenience store. How well I can relate to your experience. It never ceases to amaze me how some folks use a public facility. (Really, folks, do you do that in your own bathroom at home?) It’s no fun cleaning up the equivalent of the Amazon River with a log jam floating along, as it flows across the floor while putting in a call a plumber. I’ll take bird poop anytime!
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March 18, 2012 at 9:43 am
iew!
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March 18, 2012 at 9:46 am
Jean-Paul Sartre said it best: “Hell is other people”.
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March 18, 2012 at 12:15 pm
Several times last week, someone used the womans restroom at the high-tech company I work for in Silicon Valley. She, when finished, smeared her feces on the toilet, seat, and walls of the restroom stall. I don’t understand people. I know that I never want to understand these types of people and why they would do something so crazy.
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March 18, 2012 at 12:48 pm
Because they think they can get away with it AND they think they are “stickin it to the man.” Whoever or whatever that means to them. IMO.
Maybe next time you can swab an DNA sample for use in a data base. And in the future you will be able to match the sample to your DNA’d passenger list, find the culprit and everyone can beat him/her with sticks. IMO.
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March 18, 2012 at 9:48 pm
Yuck. Good thing it wasn’t poop on the floor!
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March 19, 2012 at 8:14 pm
My guess- and it is a somewhat educated one as I have some medical training– is that your experience was the result of some poor soul with urge or overflow urinary incontinence. It might have been an elderly person unable to hold their bladder well enough to get their pants down. I know there is alot of meaness and craziness in the world but there are also uncomfortable and embarrassing medical conditions that can cause an uncontrollable flood of urine even as a person rushes to the bathroom to relieve themselves. If there was a strong ammonical odor that would only further indicate that this person has a chronic urinary problem. I’m sorry it happened to you however and I thoroughly agree that I prefer parrot poop. I did happen to work thru the whole day at the medical clinic seeing patients last week with a chunk of it in my hair!
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March 19, 2012 at 8:51 pm
I would normally agree with you and in this case you might be right. However, I have seen grown men, “whip it out” right in front of the bathroom or the galley when I only vaguely pointed in the direction of the bathroom. I once witnessed a man attempting to pee in a ginger ale can. In my galley. It simply gets to the point when you are awash in urine, poop and vomit that you just crack a little. This is not their first time at the rodeo, you know?
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October 29, 2012 at 2:56 pm
Ewwwwwww, i’m so sorry Pat.
I volunteer at an animal refuge on Sundays where I clean up poop for bears, lions, tigers, primates, and other small mammals. I can totally do that, but human feces or urine just grosses me out for some reason 😦
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October 29, 2012 at 7:47 pm
ACK! So sorry for you and the equipment, getting that smell, Bless you for the recovery. Wondering if some one had an accident or was it deliberate. Hmmmmm
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