Like this photo, I felt like nothing was really going on. But then again…

I realize that in my last post, I said that nothing was really happening around here and then proceeded to tell you about a day in my life that was fraught with gum, ink and poop. Well, Sunday was rather interesting. Even I have to admit that.

I had signed up for Pinterest and was messing around on the sight, trying to figure out exactly how it worked. By the by, I must warn you about Pinterest: it will suck the time out of your day in a New York second. The stuff people post is incredible. It kind of works like Twitter but instead of a 140 character word post, these are images. It’s kind of scary actually. There is some amazing stuff on it. I’m not much for tattoos for myself but this is cool:

After messing around with that, I was wrapping up everything to go to work. I had my lunch packed, (Fish and potatoes with a salsa sauce to be baked onboard in my tiffin.) my uniform on and keys in my pocket. I went to my bathroom just off my bedroom to brush my teeth before leaving. I applied the toothpaste and began brushing when I heard this roaring of a car going very fast and a screech. I spun around and looked out the window just in time to see an SUV slam right into the corner of my building right below me. Kaaa-Blaaaam!

Holy cats! (I didn’t say that but the last word in the phrase rhymes with “truck” and I’m trying to keep it clean here.)

Quickly I spat, ran into the living room, grabbed my phone and my keys and raced down the stairwell. That car was toast. There was a guy standing there already and was calling the police and the teenage driver was conscious and appeared to be attempting to get out of the car. He was having a tough time, due to the fact that his right leg was broken. Broken? It was bleeding and looked a little “bent” and floppy, so my bet was a compound fracture of the tibia or fibula. The break was under those super-long gangster shorts all the kids are wearing, and I wasn’t in the mood to see any bone-through-skin action. I didn’t take a photo of it either. You’re welcome.

See the hood of the other car? That’s where I was reclined…with a kid on me.

Turned out to be his tibia. He knew the leg was broken and I guess if you have a broken leg, you just know it. There was a car parked right next to his car where he had smacked the right front bumper. So I told him to let me get my arms around him from the behind him as though I were giving him the Heimlich maneuver.

Another very petite girl showed up and helped me get him backed out of the car and we worked him onto the hood of the adjacent car. Shouldn’t be a problem, right? The problem was, he ended up on top of me. (Note to self: Do not pull a guy out of a car and have him flop on top of you.) I am now pinned to the hood of a car by a guy with a broken leg and he’s bleeding.

Mom shows up and starts screaming and crying and I’m hoping like hell his car doesn’t begin burning, because at this point, running wasn’t an option. All this mayhem is happening, bystanders begin showing up and all I can think about is the fact that I’ve got to call crew scheduling. God, they have me brain-washed…

I pull my phone out of my right pants pocket and I realize that with all of the type pad work to get through to someone at scheduling, employee number, numerous menu selections etc, that it would be impossible to accomplish with one hand while pinned to the hood of a car by a 280 pound juvenile delinquent. So instead, I called Miami Operations, and told them what was going on.

“Operations, this is Rich.”

“Hi. It’s Patricia Sund. I have an issue here. (Mom screaming: “Ackkkkkkkk! My car!”)

“What’s going on? Are you hurt?”

“Umm, not exactly…I was the first responder to an accident and there’s this 280 pound guy on top of me with a broken leg.” (Mom: “My car! what did you do to my carrrrrrrrr! WAHHHHHHHH!)

“Are you okay?” (Broken leg guy: “My leg is killing me! Gahhhhhh!”)

“I will be once this guy gets offa me. Listen, I have a 12:35 sign-in at Fort Lauderdale and…”

“How’d he get on top of you?” (Mom: My Baby! My babyyyyyy! Ackkkkkkkk!)

“Long story…”

“Give me your employee number.”

“123456. I’m fine, but I also saw the accident and he plowed right into the side of my building. The front of the car looks like an accordion…The cops aren’t here yet and if I’m not careful he’s going to bleed on me and…”

“Okay, do you think you’re going to make the trip?” (Mom: “Carlos! Where is your Brother! Your brother! Ackkkkkkkkk!)

“I don’t know yet. It’s kind of shady.” (The kid shifts and starts yelling: “My leg! My leg!Arggggghhhh”)

“Shady?”

“Well yeah, I might have to talk to the police because I saw the impact and one kid took off running and…” (Sound of sirens: “Whoop! Whoop! Whoop!”)

“Okay, tell you what, call me when you’re on your way and if anything changes let me know.”

“Yeah. I’ll get right on that…” I hang up and shift. (Broken leg guy: “Aghhhhhhh!”)

The police show up a couple of minutes after that as well as the paramedics. Paramedic looks at me pinned by my left leg and arm and says, “You’re going to have to give me more room.” I just looked at him, blinked and said, “Little help here?”

“Well, Ohhh, I see…” He offers me a hand as he rolls the guy’s hip. (Broken leg guy: “SHHHHHH-ARGHHHHH!” )

Now I am trapped between the two cars. So I hopped onto the hood of the car and jumped over to the other side. I hung around a couple of minutes to see if anyone needed me as a witness. That didn’t appear to be the case so I went back upstairs, finished brushing my teeth, grabbed my stuff and drove to the airport.

I even made my sign-in time.

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