They have their own Facebook page!: Flippin
It’s been said that one should never discuss religion or politics. This is probably a prudent thing to do and easy to accomplish unless you happen to live in a convent or you’re a politician. In those cases, I suppose it would be a little difficult to avoid.
When I woke up this morning I had a couple of things lodged in my brain and my tired, overwhelmed gray matter just refused to let it go. It was kind of like when you have a carrot shred lodged between your teeth and you simply can’t pry that little sucker out of there.
One was Rutherford B. Hayes:
Now I don’t know a damned thing about Rutherford B. Hayes, other than the fact that he was was the 19th President of the United States and he kind of looks like a Kakapo.
I got my photo of Sirocco here: Stuff.Co.nz
And what Mr. Hayes was doing in my thoughts is beyond me. Rutherford B. Hayes has never in my life occurred to me before, I assure you.
But then, I’ve always viewed my brain as one that possesses a little button you sometimes find on a blog labeled, “Read Random Post.” You click on it and a random post comes up. I think that button in my brain I accidentally bumped with my elbow is labeled, “Think of Bizarre Subject.” But I digress…
The other matter rolling round my brain was something I touched on in my last post, Laughing All the Way. I made a comment about creating a church for parrot people. And along with Rutherford B. Hayes, this thought about a church for our kind of people kept popping up on my mental mezzanine. It was just one of those mind toys that I couldn’t put down. And when that happens, I have to get my mental Ya-Ya’s out. Might as well do it here. Face it; it’s either that or get quietly led to a rubber room.
So what the hell. I ran with it. So first of all, what would our meeting place look like? Well, here’s a thought:
I found this sculpture here: My Trips Around
It even resembles a bird cage. And with that of course, you have to come up with a name. Hmmm. Now this got me thinking. As irreverant as it sounds, and I suppose it is, it did have a rather Lenny Bruce-like appeal to it. But then again, certain Christian organizations tend to do what I feel are some fairly strange things. No, really. And in searching for ideas for what to name my imaginary church for parrot people, I found some pretty eccentric material. Behold:
There is an organization with a website called, XXX Church.com that is out to convert people from watching porn. Yes, really. Google it. So, my deciding to create a fictitious church for parrot people kind of pales in comparison.
Found this lovely creation here: Podbean
They offer programs you can host in your church. One of them is called Porn and Pancakes. And if your church isn’t up for the early morning get-up required for consuming pancakes with their straight talk about porn, you can host, Porn and Pastries, which I suppose you can have any time of the day. Someone also produced a documentary about the organization titled, (I can’t quite believe this…) Missionary Positions.
Apparently, you’re provided with an inflatable blue elephant for your church’s front yard to advertise the program. Notice how Mr. Elephant’s “private particulars” are chastely covered by the banner. Which also begs the question, I wonder what color his private particulars are? My mind. It’s a mysterious thing…
I got my blue elephant here: Texas Gossip
Naturally, after seeing this, I felt empowered to move on with my idea for a church for parrot lovers. Because if they can present Porn and Pancakes, I can damned well present my ideas for a make-believe “Parrot Pentecostal.” And I will…in my next post. So stay tuned…
February 26, 2012 at 8:04 am
That was slightly disturbing and I loved it!!! I actually did google it because I could wrap my brain around it and this actually exists. That is the part I find disturbing- Missionary Positions..BUUUUUWAAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! The article was great!!! Looking forward to the “Parrot Pentecostal” outline….
February 26, 2012 at 9:50 am
Patricia my dear! I honestly can’t think of a more enjoyable way to indulge in my first cup of coffee than to accompany it with Parrot Nation…and its less caloric than a donut.
February 26, 2012 at 9:58 am
No!!! The suspense! What will the parrot church be called?! I think it must be multitheistic, given all the parrot species out there…
And yes, I’m joking… ;-D
February 26, 2012 at 10:31 am
Carmel, I am taking any and all suggestions. Su Gould suggested that we make King Crayon our Pontiff. He wears big hats pretty well.
February 26, 2012 at 6:36 pm
KING for Pontiff! NICE.
February 26, 2012 at 11:13 am
Can I suggest that the choir robes be straight jackets? 😉
February 26, 2012 at 11:47 am
February 26, 2012 at 3:18 pm
Literally crying from laughing at the whole thing, Patricia, but the corker was Hayes = Kakapo. Too funny.
King Crayon as Pontiff works for me, and if his bid for president fails, I hope he will consider the Pontiffship.
Love the straightjackets idea, Jj Sommerville!
February 26, 2012 at 10:13 pm
I’m not a churchgoer but I would love to attend any house of worship centered on parrots!
February 26, 2012 at 11:08 pm
Pat, what about those of us who are not Christian? Maybe this house of worship should represent ALL religions? (tongue in cheek)
I love reading your pieces; makes my day!
February 27, 2012 at 7:05 am
Jacqueline, we’re working on that. We’re trying to decide which parrots should be the Rabbis and Cantors. We are also thinking of deeming the Quaker (Monk) parakeets, Buddhist Monks.
February 27, 2012 at 3:36 pm
Oh I love this concept of a church centered on the worship with our parrots. Would have to include every parrot under the “Sund”. The attendees would of course wear the feathers of their choice, passing the collection plate would take on a brand new defination.
Keep up the good work Patricia.