Merlin at Best Friends

For those of us with birds, finding a date among “Non-Bird People” can prove to be somewhat of a challenge. Take this little light-hearted test and it might help sort out how you think you might do among those who will simply never understand. This is for entertainment purposes only. It is not meant to be a professional assessment.

1. My name is:_______________________________.


2. I am:

A. Male

B. Female

C. Why are you asking? My birds don’t care.


3. The age group I fall into is:

A. 40 and older

B. 30-39

C. 21-29

D. 15-20

E. I wanna be Spiderman when I grow up.


4. In the past year, I have had:

A. 1-5 dates

B. 6-10 dates

C. 11-15 dates

D. More than 16 dates

E. I build bird toys out of stuff I find in other people’s trash and yard sales in my spare time.

5. I have the proper height/weight ratio for:

A. The average human of my age and gender.

B. I’m on the thin side

C. It’s no problem, I’m Bulimic.

D. I can proudly say that I can fit inside my bird’s cage so I can clean it properly!

6. My hobbies are:

A. Cooking

B. Reading

C. Knitting

D. Who the hell has time for a hobby with all of these freakin’ birds? Are you crazy?

7. You want to improve your social life. You:

A. Ask people to go out with you.

B. Join “Toastmasters”

C. Go to the local watering hole.

D. What’s a social life?

8. Your ideal partner would:


A. Have Looks

B. Have Intelligence

C. Have Money

D. Be A Vet with a Bird Supply store

9. You’re on blind date. One question you would ask is:

A. “Name the weirdest place you’ve ever kissed someone.”

B. “Describe the best vacation you’ve ever been on.”

C. “Describe the strangest date you’ve ever been on.”

D. “If you could have any bird, what would it be?”

10. Your role model is:

A. Mother Theresa

B. Ghandi

C. John F. Kennedy

D. Irene Pepperberg

11. Your favorite fashion accessory is:

A. Hats

B. Shoes! I love shoes!

C.My collection of fashion pins

D. What’s fashion?

12. Your favorite pickup line is:

A. “I’ve just won the lottery”

B. Has anyone seen the keys to my Porsche”

C. “I just got back from Paris”

D. “You want to come over and meet my Hyacinth Macaw?”

13. You’ve been hit by a car and your life flashes before your eyes. The thing you remember most vividly is:

A. Your first love

B. Your Mother and Father

C. All the things you never got to do

D. You forgot to buy that bottle of flax seed oil for your African Grey

14. If you had your life to live over again, would you:

A. Choose a different species as a pet.

B. Make no changes

C. Make a few changes

D. I would have sprung for that Black Palm Cockatoo when I had the chance.

I think the scoring is self-evident. Good luck with that dating thing…