Pelican

This phrase has always bothered me. I find it empty and purposeless when people have causes and say things along the lines of, “We’re raising awareness about the plight of the boll weevil.”  Well, allrighty then. l didn’t know the boll weevil had a plight, and I don’t know much about what I can do to help them.

I guess it’s not just the emptiness of the intention; it doesn’t appear as if the “Boll Weevil Awareness Action Group” really did anything other than make me aware that they had a plight.

It’s becoming a tired phrase very much along the lines of “Oh, snap!” (Never did understand what that meant…) “Psych!” and that crappy line, “Think outside the box.” I was never in love with all of those tired, flabby, overused expressions people used to put in their resumes’ either. “Dynamic Team Player” and “Enthusiastic Go-getter” wore me out.  “Feedback” makes me crazy even though I am occasionally guilty of using it.

And then there is “Literally” and its new replacement, “Clearly.”  When someone says to me, “Clearly, you don’t seem to get it.”  after I’ve just asked them a question, I cringe. Well, of course I don’t understand. If I did I wouldn’t be asking the question.

One statement I get on flights after a juice request is, “It’s for the baby.”

They ask me for apple juice and they have to throw in, “It’s for the baby.” Like somehow that makes it okay to ask me for something.

Look. I’m there to be asked for stuff and to answer questions. That’s my job. And man, do we get questions!

Dave. One great Captain.

Such as, “Do you have bathrooms?”,  “Can you heat this up in the microwave?”  and “When we get to the airport and I pick up my bags at baggage claim, how will I know which luggage is mine?”

What they don’t understand is that I don’t really give a rat’s behind that the apple juice is for the baby. It doesn’t matter to me who the apple juice is for, so you don’t have to qualify the request by telling me it’s for that kid that smells to high heaven as it is.

“Dude!” Huh? Everyone is a “Dude” now. Even if they’re a woman, it’s “Dude!” I’m waiting for the next form of address.

Dude, the way I look at it, if you’re a team player, clearly you’re not an enthusiastic,  dynamic go-getter and literally not thinking outside the box.

Okay, I feel better now.

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