What does it take? What do you have to do to be a committed parrot owner? Well, sometimes it takes a hell of a lot more than you ever planned. And then you sort of get sucked into the “lifestyle.”
And then, stuff happens when you’re too busy cleaning out a cage to notice. The world goes on and keeps spinning while you’re scrubbing the floor. People move on with their lives without you when you’re off to the store to search for organic carrots. They make changes in their life all the while you’re getting the dander dusted off the TV and changing the furnace filter.
I just found out a guy I used to date got married. And he moved to the Islands. And it bugged me. It really bugged me.
Sometimes you have to give up a lot in order to do what you do. Was I bummed out? Yes. “Well, why?” I hear myself asking myself. Well, because for some Godforsaken reason, I feel I missed a boat somewhere. I was left behind somehow. I was too damned busy showering my greys and running out to Kanab, or Phoenix or Chicago with speaking engagements. There is regret. There is a feeling of loss.
It’s stupid and I know I’m feeling sorry for myself. Bill told me flat out to just get the hell over it and knock it off. Yes, “Mr. Sensitive” he isn’t. But he is right. There wasn’t any decision to make. And thinking about it, I would have had to have made a choice. It would have been him or the birds. I just know that in my heart.
You make a decision and you have to honor it. You brought the little hellions into your life. And when you did that, you knew it would change your life somewhat. Nobody said this parrot thing was going to be easy. Nobody.
But if you’re anything like me, you had no idea at the time how much having parrots would change the life you lead, morph it and turn it upside down and inside out.  A lot of shit happens when you aren’t looking. And this sudden discovering that this man moved on without me simply stunned me. And what really just bakes it is the fact that this happened over the last few years and I never noticed. Maybe that’s the part that upsets me the most.
But then it’s time to look at the big picture. By not choosing that path, I gained something different. I probably never would have begun this blog. I most likely never would have written for the publications I have.
I never would have gone to Kanab, or the Cincinnati Zoo. Or South Dakota. I never would have gotten to know Jacque, or Bonnie. Or Rebecca. Or Jason. Or all of the hundreds of other people I’ve met and loved getting to know.
I don’t know who took this. If you did, let me know so I can credit you here.
 I never would have been able to help the parrots I’ve helped. I never would have raised money for Florida Parrot Rescue. Or the Alex Foundation. I never would have been able to promote the Chop Concept and do the work I’ve done. I never would have met Irene Pepperberg and become friends with her. Irena Schulz would just be some dancing cockatoo’s Mom who posted a video that went viral.
Photo courtesy of Janet Holt Hilton.
And Parker? Well, Parker would probably belong to someone else. Maybe several someones. I wouldn’t be the writer I am today. I’d just be some guy’s girlfriend living in the Caribbean in a beautiful house. With a four-seater airplane to tool around in. And I most likely wouldn’t be writing. At least I wouldn’t be writing about parrots. It would be a different me.
Maybe it all comes out in the wash. Or maybe not. Either way it doesn’t matter. I chose this path because I thought it was right for me. And it is right for me. But there are times when it gets tough. And this is one of those times.
Patricia Sund
Parrot Nation 
June 28, 2013 at 11:50 am
Okay Patricia,, you’ve had your say,, now it’s my turn, while I am sorry you are hurting, I for one am gonna take the selfish route,, after all, I’m entitled, I just had surgery…. I am glad you “missed this particular boat”, for then we would not have met, became friends, laughed, yelled, cried together. I do believe things happen for a reason,,, a big house in the Caribbean, a 4 seater plane, sounds great, but Parker, Nyla, Pepper and Byron would be lost without you, (but hey,, does this guy have a brother?,,,, lol j/k),,, love you ,,,,
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June 28, 2013 at 11:52 am
Beautiful.
I think we all look back at times and wonder about the what-ifs. I know I do.
But, like you, I look all around me and realize that I am happy with the path that I am on, surrounded my wood chips, feather dust, happy sounds.
I could have disposable income (Giggle) but what I have instead is a full heart. I am good with that.
You look to be content with the choices you made. Though sometimes you are bound to wonder and fantasize a bit about the road not taken. Would you have truly been ultimately happy with a person that would have required you give up things so close to your heart? Would you be sitting in the island paradise pondering the what if’s of having stayed with you feathered ones, educating the community and improving the lives of untold thousands of birds…..
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June 28, 2013 at 11:54 am
I am so sorry and so happy for you all at once. I too know exactly what you’re talking about, and unless they’re too righteous to admit it, so do a lot of other parronts. We knew it would be rough, but not half as rough as it turned out to be. And yeah, there have been a few days where I wanted to do exactly what my husband and friends said “just find someone else to take him”. I then get that slap of reality of where my poor CAG has been and how far he’s come. Who am I to take away the best life he’s had? Kudos to you, you’re changing the world, one parrot and parrot owner at a time.
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June 28, 2013 at 12:24 pm
Dating with birds can really complicate dating. In that way, they’re more like kids. I didn’t care for my boyfriend’s chronically ill dog when we started dating, but she was 12 years old and not going to be around much longer. She died within a year. Boo, on the other hand, was 12 years YOUNG.
I made it really clear at the beginning, that if we were going to spend much time together, that I’d have to bring along my cockatoo. This is a great way to scare off most guys on the second or third date and screen thru who might be worth it; they’re NOT kids, so you CAN make quicker introductions 🙂
I’ve dated guys who didn’t want my bird in their homes, and Boo has been incredibly forgiving and resilient thru those phases of being left alone too much. Those relationships have always ended because the types of men who don’t respect my bond to my cockatoo, ultimately don’t respect other “little” things and ultimately don’t share the same values with me. Even if I didn’t have a bird, it’s those countless “little things” that add up.
Everybody has baggage and comes into relationships with certain quirks. Mine is just my neurotic goffins cockatoo who I’ve had since college.
(After I moved in with him, when I started working more hours, it was with his full support that I adopted a second goffins, Arthur). A man who loves you doesn’t want anything you care about to be unhappy or lonely, even if “that thing” chews up his furniture, poops in the shower, screams every morning…. and will for the next 50+ years.
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June 28, 2013 at 12:44 pm
Hey, I understand. But now you have had your pity party (I had one for about 3 weeks) so it is time to pull up the big girl panties (with pictures of parrots on them) and get back to doing what you really love to do and what we all love you for doing. You have been such a big influence on soooo many people that it sure counts for more than living in the carribean and winging around in a plane. Besides, if it had meant to be he would have accepted your lifestyle and joined you in helping all of the parrots and parents of parrots. We LOVE you just like you are.
Myrna (FPR foster parrot parent)
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June 28, 2013 at 12:51 pm
I know just where you’re coming from. It’s not just about our feathered friends, it’s about all of the other roads that there were to travel. You could only follow one of them. So often lately I wish I could live all of the lives I want to live. Just yesterday after one more phobic episode with my cockatoo I was ranting that I wanted a life without any of my animals (2 dogs, 2 cats and 2 parrots). I think I could exist in that life for about a month before I would despair over that enormous void. The million dollar question is – Would you trade everything you have for everything you’ve always wanted? My answer is – Not for a million dollars. That life I always wanted would have its own set of challenges. My life is the choices I have made. It’s a good life and I’m trying to make the best of it. It’s OK to feel sad over what might have been, but know that in the choices you have made, you have made a difference – to your birds and to many, many people.
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June 28, 2013 at 1:12 pm
I found this post very though provoking. All of us at some point look back and think, what if. It’s just being human and longing to correct the past. If you had chosen another path and we didn’t know you, we wouldn’t miss you cause we never had you to begin with. However, you chose a path that put you in a position to help countless parrot owners in their efforts to provide the absolute best environment for our feathered kids. If you’d decided to take another route with this man, would anyone miss you? Probably a few people, loved ones, family members, personal friends would for sure. But, you now have thousands of people that would say, damn I sure miss Patricia Sund. To me that is the highest compliment of all, for people you have never met to say we would miss you. And we most assuredly would miss Parker, Pepper, Nyla, and Byron, but mostly Patricia.
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June 28, 2013 at 1:12 pm
Yeah, it kinda sucks sometimes, but, please know that you’re appreciated, and that you’ve helped more people and birds than you’ll ever know, most don’t comment, but they do read, listen and learn. Also, for all the sad times, there will be happy times, so, something to look forward to!
And, the guy, pffff! his loss 🙂
May not be much help, but did want you to know how much you are appreciated, even by lurkers 🙂
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June 28, 2013 at 1:25 pm
You would have never met Copeland. Just remember “Love me, love my birds” You are loved.
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June 28, 2013 at 1:36 pm
Don’t look behind you, look in front of you! You can have anything in your life that you want. It’s all about choices. If you want a guy, I bet there is someone out there that would love you and all the feathers you come with.
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June 28, 2013 at 2:32 pm
I wish I had something witty to say here Patricia. Tracked down an old flame; convinced he was meant to be the “one”. So glad I did not go that route! You are where you are meant to be at this point in time. Relax in knowing that.
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June 28, 2013 at 2:50 pm
Oh Patricia.. the sound of cords being stuck echoed around my home when I read this. For I hit a brick wall earlier this year when I was told that a man that I had loved dearly but lost had died.
But when I read your sentence about the 4 seater aircraft, I remembered a funny time with a friend of mine, a pilot, who did accept that my most beloved Dagga-the-Parrot ‘came’ with me. A very large bird in his very large travelling cage.
And on a trip to deliver some very urgent spart parts to Brussels, Dagga, who was obviously bored being confined to his cage and insulted by being in the back seat, decided to twist poor pilots tail and started to ‘ring’ his Blackberry.
There is very little you can do at several thousand feet when your phone is in a briefcase behind the back seat.. he did not believe me when I said “it is not your cellphone, it is Dagga”.. naughty boy.. until the day he died, he could get me running for the landline!
I believe that the right person accepts me and my girl, 9 year old african grey.
What was the old expression? Love me love my dog.. well, with us Parrot ladies & men, it is love me, love my bird(s).
Don’t be blue.. go and get a cuddle from a fat parrot.
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June 28, 2013 at 2:57 pm
Yes, things happen that cause us to look at the paths our lives are taking. Do we understand them all, no, and probably never will! HOWEVER, I know that you taking the path you did has led to some amazing adventures, new friends (even those that stalked you), and helping to educate countless others in this crazy Avian world. It may not seem like it, but you are a part of a bigger picture, and the Universe has something FANTASTIC in store for you…..even bigger than what you are a part of right this very minute….. Of this I am sure, and I, for one, can say I’m glad you’ve made the choices you have……as you’ve had a HUGE impact on my life, and the lives of countless other people and their Avian companions! Job well done my friend, and please….keep it up!
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June 28, 2013 at 11:07 pm
Here Here!
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June 28, 2013 at 3:09 pm
This is so timely for me as well. One choice probably changed my whole life and I didn’t even have my parrot buddies yet! Actually, having made another choice I probably never would have my terrific flock – let alone be living at a bird sanctuary!
The choice brought difficult times but I am stronger for it and I think a better person. Who would have thought I would get excited about an issue of Bird Talk so I could read what Parker and Pepper were up to and have a good laugh!
Thanks for all that you have added to our lives.
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June 28, 2013 at 6:10 pm
hugs
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June 28, 2013 at 7:40 pm
Ok, so it’s not just me……..it’s hard, especially when family visits and I can’t do everything with them. Not possible. Right now my visiting family and hubby are at a hotel with an indoor water park. I am sitting here supervising 17 parrots who are out of their cages right now. Their wellbeing and need for exercise comes first. Just had to stop typing mid sentence to get a towel under my blind Hahn’s who almost slipped and fell. It’s ok, always one eye on them and one on the ipad. Often I think about how I would feel if I didnt have birds and it’s too depressing…….the thought lasts about a minute. Guess I made the right choice. You’re a good woman Patricia Sund!!!!! This article should be framed and on the wall of all caring bird parronts
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June 28, 2013 at 8:16 pm
It is wonderful to be loved and respected by so many. I know the feeling you are describing in the article, and it’s kind of an ’empty’ feeling. A left out feeling. But in the end, you did not love him or you would be with him today. Keep doing what you do, and if the right someone doesn’t come along, so be it. Love comes in many forms. And some of those forms fly around and poop, and chatter and squawk and make huge messes. I am 65 and the love of my life does just that. <(")
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June 28, 2013 at 11:06 pm
Patricia, be melancholy, wallow in what could may been. You didn’t chose that path surely because it was a path that did not “fit” for you. I believe we have all been there. We all romanticize pass loves and losses, but at the end of the day we moved on because it just was not right no matter how wonderful the person may have been. I would love to think that that every past love was still pining away for me, and there would be no other lol. I share the wonderful sentiments exemplified above, and love what you have literally bought to the dish for us caregivers of parrots in captivity. Two of favourite books are by Richard Bach, “Jonathan Livingston Seagull” and “A Bridge Across Forever.” Love is out there, and I hope that you find someone that will love you, Parker, Pepper, and Nyla as a package (oh, and does not mind sharing you with us all.
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June 28, 2013 at 11:51 pm
My parrots are smaller – love birds. However, they do manage to fill the void. I learned something I did not know about a year and a half ago. One of my birds, Bill, 21 years old, died in my hands and Marco, his mate, watched from my shoulder. Marco was depressed for at least 8 months and has gradually come out of his cage again and is trying to be friendly with a new mate, Pecan. I didn’t know birds grieved. When I saw that, it made me think a lot about my life and the griefs that I have had. None of them were as traumatic as Marco’s was. He is coming around. I realized I came around a long time ago and, now, so have you. I used to tell my girlfriend that the loneliest, saddest two words in the English language were “what if”… We all do this backward glancing, but forward glancing is so much more fun! We don’t know what’s to come and we have the opportunity to make new and lovely choices everyday. Like the others here, I am glad you are a parrot person and that you blog. I learn much and I feel the company of others. One great big hug!!
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June 29, 2013 at 2:43 am
It’s very inspiring that you are able to share your personal thoughts with us (your readers & friends). This is the perfect time to let you know about the 2013 Annual Bird Talk magazine I spotted at the pet store. It’s a beautiful magazine with colorful pictures and nice content. I was debating if I was going to buy it with a price tag of $8.99 for a magazine. I know publishing a magazine is costly & Bird Talk is a quality magazine. I have good books at home, do I need another bird Magazine. The deciding point of to buy or not to buy was…The article “Memo to Parker, Pepper & Nyla” by Patricia Sund who just happens to be my FB friend. Yes, Patricia has lots of FB friends but there is a common interest and that makes me feel there is a special bond. Maybe one day I will meet you in person. Carry on, there are more future paths to choose. Kathy Romano, Yakima, Washington.
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June 29, 2013 at 4:43 pm
At 50 years old I found a man who would love my birds as much as I do!! Now I am 60 and wonder why it took so long. You should not have to make a choice. If you do you probably won’t be happy with that choice. I am glad I waited.
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June 29, 2013 at 6:18 pm
Wow, that hit close to home….
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