One of the things you must deal with when you have a blog is Spam. In my case it’s pretty clear cut. Word Press, the platform on which I produce my blog has this handy little program named Askimet that filters out what it believes are crap comments that are only designed to respond to posts in a generic way so that their links can be visible to the readers in hopes you will click on them. Askimet catches almost all of them. I think it’s missed three or four in the almost four years I’ve been blogging and it had the decency to scratch its head, tap me on the shoulder and ask, “Ummm, did you want me to put this comment up? Because this one looks a little fishy…”

I assure you, it gets a bit wild and wooly and I had absolutely no idea the types of websites were out there until I took a look at who was trying to get on my blog via the comments. Sheeesh! Occasionally, I take a look and need a shower shortly after reading where the comment is coming from. Some are fairly gross.

Now, occasionally I will get a comment from someone from a foreign country who’s grasp of English is a little sketchy, but if I understand what they are trying to say, I’ll clean the comment up for them just a tad to make it more understandable. I feel that if  I found a blog in a foreign language that I translated using Google and the translator did a fairly crappy job translating my comment, I’d want a fairly godmother to clean up what I was trying to say. So I don’t feel too bad about that.

But I’m absolutely flabbergasted by some of the links and the idiocy of most of the comments. Some are from dating websites, online casinos, drug, supplement and prescription websites, colon cleansers, carpet cleaners and porn sites, (just from the links and the descriptions posted, I was getting a rash and a bad case of the heaves.) One website obviously had no clue and left me seventeen screens worth of mindless, inane comments. Seventeen! Obviously, they had a list of pre-formatted comments written to choose from and instead of choosing one, they just shot the entire list over. Here is a sample. A very small sample: 

Thank you for your blog.Really thank you! Cool.
Im grateful for the blog article.Much thanks again. Cool.
Im grateful for the blog post.Thanks Again. Great.
A round of applause for your blog post. Awesome.
I think this is a real great blog. Much obliged.
“Appreciate you sharing, great blog post.Much thanks again.”
Thanks-a-mundo for the article.Much thanks again. Want more.
Muchos Gracias for your article post.Thanks Again. Really Great.
“Wow, great post.Much thanks again. Much obliged.”

And the websites that send these comments? Ewww. However, some of the comments are hilarious! I didn’t touch them. These comments came to me in the condition you see. Behold:

I may visit your site oftenly and introduce it to my neibourghhood.

thank you for sharing with us, I conceive this website really stands out : D.

 This service is mainly unique pokies games to folks who’re with the millionaire position.

 The words throughout those two words and phrases actually clarify themselves.

 Don’t look and feel a present horse from the mouth

 Great post about how to buy used bucket trucks. I write a blog and would love to have you write a guest post. Let me know if you’re interested. You can contact me at how to buy used bucket trucks.

Definitely believe that which you stated. Your favorite reason seemed to be on the internet the simplest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get annoyed while people consider worries that they plainly dont know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and defined out the whole thing without having sideeffects , people can take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks

Thing one (My laptop) goes almost everywhere with me.

Sometimes, the backside of this blog is kind of entertaining…

If you ever run into her, (You will eventually. If you attend any avian related events, ask Janet how she met me. She has a very funny response.) My point is, people are actually making friends and acquaintances using social media to connect. With that, they share and exchange information, swap ideas, photos and also help, encourage and console each other during the rough times. Due to this, many friendships are developing as well as a more “family-like atmosphere.” Consequently, you just might run into your “Online Uncle Max” at a bird event. You’ve never met him before, but you feel like you already know him because you know how many birds he has, their names and the fact that his African Grey can recite Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address.

Me, Robin Shewokis of Leather Elves, Lisa Bono of Platinum Parrot, Jessica Pineda, Editor- BIRD TALK Magazine and Dr. Susan Orosz

Photo supplied by Lisa Bono

But of course, along with this are the feuds that seem to pop up in even the closest of clans. Yes, you end up with blood in the water occasionally as misunderstandings occur, differences of opinion pop up and flat out disrespect for another’s point of view roars through the pixels*.

(*Fun Fact #1: Pixel: ORIGIN 1960s: abbreviation of the phrase, picture element.)

There are the “junior high school Mean Girl” moments as well as the warm and fuzzies. But that even happens in the closest of families, so this is to be expected, I guess.

 Despite this, the information exchange has done wonders for the companion parrots of the world. As people join this ever-growing, “Global Family,” they are learning that it’s better to adopt than buy, that an all-seed diet simply blows, and that foraging and enrichment are important for our feathered buddies. And avian nutrition? Well, let’s just say that I’m working my keester off trying to ensure that Chop is the “New Black” in a parrot’s diet. I want to ensure that Chop is a standard element in feeding a healthy diet to your parrot.

Michelle Elle’s Chop: Photo by Michelle

As I keep my head down and go on typing, more and more people are learning that this is the way to go. I have other ideas and I’m trying to develop new methods and more ways to deliver the nutritional goods. And overall, I’m really focused getting that information out.

But as people become more aware of the needs and requirements of companion birds, interest in more information about how to care for them has grown exponentially across all areas of companion parrot care. Because of this, the demand for website content, more research and answers to the growing questions about caring for the little buggers has increased. The realization and insight people have gained through the internet about the subject of Avian Husbandry has had a positive impact on everyone.

These folks who never really grasped some basic elements of the diet requirements for parrots before, are now beginning to wake up and smell the quinoa. They are beginning to ask questions and search for information as they run into others who seem to have a better grasp on how to care for their flocks. They are starting to understand that while an all-seed diet might be easier, it sure as hell is more expensive, more dangerous and will lead them and their wallet down that ugly road to Avian Vet hell.

Michelle Elle’s got it down! Photo by Michelle.

Pictured:  flax seeds, rolled oats. barley and wheat baby cereals, cayenne pepper, red pepper flakes, sesame seed, wheat germ, chia seeds

Enter the Chop Concept. Good news: It’s spreading like STDs at a Florida senior citizens social center. If dietary requirements are met, foraging opportunities are presented, training is done, and a clearer understanding of the needs and prerequisites of keeping birds is acknowledged, the birds are going to get a better shot at staying put. The bird is happier and healthier which certainly plays into their behavior. And if their behavior is easier to deal with and their needs are met, we’re less likely to want give up our birds.

This certainly would ease the strain on the shelters and the adoption and rescue organizations which would free them up to present educational seminars and social gatherings; a far more positive pursuit.

But me being me, it seems as though it’s not enough. When I was at lunch with some of the attendees after my presentation at the Phoenix Landing event on January seventh, I called for a toast. I thanked everyone for coming and helping me out. I then stated that I simply couldn’t wait to see Phoenix Landing go out of business. They laughed and held up their glasses. Because I don’t think they can wait for that day either.

Actually, I think that’s what we all want.

http://www.california-injury-lawyer-blog.com/tylenol.png

As Johnson & Johnson titled their Corporate report for 1982 in the wake of the Tylenol tampering, 2011 was for me, “An Eventful Year.”

January was a chilly month here in Florida and an active one for me as January normally is. The Houston Parrot Festival occurs every year in January which is an incredibly fun event. I plan on going again this coming January.

Mancuso!

As the year progressed, I blogged away, yakking about this and that as thoughts occurred to me, and I managed to cobble together a couple of pretty funny and entertaining quizzes that were shared be many. The post, “Preparing Yourself For Getting a Bird” proved to be a popular way of testing your “Parrot Readiness.” I was in a squarely mood that day and wanted to include a humorous test for people about getting a bird. It worked.

The “Animal Superheroes Contest” turned out to be one of the more popular posts of the year. There were so many entries that were incredible! But “Bart Man” and his Crew reigned supreme:

My essay, “I Don’t Believe in Starter Birds” rocked a few forums and became a subject of debate and discussion. It was occasionally referred to when someone on a forum asked what kind of “beginner “bird” they should get. You already know my opinion on that subject.  What began as a post about Irene Pepperberg coming to South Florida to speak and appear at a fundraiser dinner turned into a little fundraiser of its own.

From the post, “Dinner With Irene,” sprang “The Latte Factor Campaign.” I suggested here and at Facebook and Twitter, that everyone forgo one cup of their favorite designer cup of coffee, and send the money to The Alex Foundation.  It worked.

Right after this little adventure, The Midwest Bird Expo rocked the Chicago suburbs, as did the “Choppettes,” who ground, chopped and bumped their way into producing an enormous heap of Chop for the Bird Lovers Only Rescue.

Of course, it was during this little adventure that I woke up to Cookie the Penguin going solidly viral at Youtube. CBS Miami did a story about it, my life went nuts at that point and doesn’t appear to be getting any saner.

All along the way, my “Chop Concept” was gaining ground and due to the blog, high interest in a low-cost, low effort, efficient way of feeding good stuff to your birds, people were clicking on the blog videos of how to make Chop.

At the end of June, I lost my dog Mattie. Naturally, I was devastated and still miss her and think of her every day. She remains one of the most wonderful things that ever walked into my life. I wrote about it here: “Moving Through the Pain.”

Around August, the feathers hit the fan with this post, “An Urgent Situation.” This was the breaking news of the Troy, Ohio parrot hoarding incident and I was told about it two days before the rescues went in to attempt to get the birds out. Initially, I didn’t want to report it as I normally don’t post that kind of thing, but I relented and it became the tipping point to a wake-up call.

This, was the wake-up call: My post “An Avian Auschwitz” turned the tide in revealing hideous details of the situation and remains one of the most read and most shared posts here at PN. I wrote only two posts about the matter simply because I wrote only what I knew about it. I wasn’t there, I didn’t witness it and I’m not comfortable with speculation. But these posts did get around and people truly began realizing how much things need to change.

 I thought about this and other matters during a vacation in Charleston and cooked up this post with my idea for a “Summit.”  This began a dialogue that went well into Autumn. But what really got people talking was the video Best Friend Animal Society released on their Channel at Youtube. “The Truth About Parrots” was and still remains controversial and stirred up a dust storm that 20 molting cockatoos pale in comparison.

There were, of course other posts that were fun, well-received and entertaining to write. I’m still writing for BIRD TALK and The Bird Channel which I love. But this pretty much covers most of the highlights of 2011.

Was it an eventful year? Very much so. Not all of it was good. But so many good things did happen and it made the year a good one for Aviculture. While there were many negative events, birds got adopted or rescued, more people are learning how to better feed and care for their birds, and the awareness of the fact that something needs to be done about situations like the Troy, Ohio incident got people to think. To take stock of their own flock’s care and perhaps what they can do to pay it forward in some way.

 And to me, that makes it all worth it. Thank you all so much for stopping by this year, and I hope you check out next year’s adventures. I don’t know what’s going to happen in 2012. But I sure hope it’s interesting.

Thanks, Everyone!

Always eager for a chance to sit down,  (although when I talk on the phone I usually pace…) I picked it up.

“Hello.”

“Hi. This is Mike from AT&T. I have an interesting and exciting promotion that could possibly save you money.” (Or something like that…)

Now, I normally don’t get upset at solicitors when they call. They are just doing their job. This was no exception. I was polite and thought, “Okay, let’s see what this sucker has to offer. I wouldn’t mind dropping my connection bills by doing a little ‘bundling.’”

 ”Okay, Mike. Hit me.” All I could think of was this song:

So Mike went into his spiel. He and I talked things through and he asked about the internet speed I was getting at Comcast. I told him, “Honey, don’t ask me how fast my internet speed is. I have no idea and I’ll bet you already know, don’t you?”

“Well, actually I do.”

“You’re sticking to the script aren’t you?”

“Well, kind of.” And he laughed. So did I. We were at least on the right track. This guy had a sense of humor and he was honest.

So we worked out what I was shelling out on my internet and cable TV bills. He told me what he could do. I told him if it was only a year contract at that price what would happen in a year? Were they going to jack up the prices again and I’d be in worse shape than I already was? I then went into this long meandering rant about how the corporations of the world never keep their promises. I subjected Mike to my position of puzzlement at my car insurance rates that seem to go up even though the value of my vehicle depreciates. Why is that? I’m always stumped by that one. I am paying more for insurance now than I did in 2002 when I bought my car. This makes absolutely no sense at all to me. He agreed with me.

I then explained how I worked for a major airline and the promises they’ve made to me that seem to be flying away and disappearing. How we got onto to airplane lavatories is beyond my memory at this point but we did and I then explained the mysteriousness of airplane lavatories to customers on my flights to Haiti and how they simply couldn’t figure out how to work them, from opening the door, to flushing the toilet and exiting again. I then tied this into Corporate America and told him that Ryan Air, an Inter-European Airline at one time considered making their toilets into a pay-per-use type deal.

Mike couldn’t quite wrap his head around that one.

“You mean, they want to charge the passengers to use the john?”

“Yeah! Hey, How old are you? Because I remember pay toilets when I was a kid.”

 ”Get OUT!”

“Naww! I’m serious. They had pay toilets in airports, bus stations; I think it cost a dime.  They have them in Paris near the Eiffel Tower.”

“I’m thirty. Are you serious?”

“Oh yeah! The little mechanism worked like a gum ball machine. You stuck your dime in, turned the little knob, pushed the door and the door would open. And I know about the Ryan Air deal because I’m a Flight Attendant. Oh, and I’m a writer. So this internet deal is really important.”

“You’re a writer?”

“Yup.”

And we got off into another string of thoughts which revealed that he served quite a bit of time in Iraq and he began discussing the johns in Iraq and how the people there have a different way of getting business done in the restroom. When he told me, I nearly heaved. Suffice it to say, it doesn’t involve toilet paper.

And it’s essentially disgusting…not sure they are too familiar with the concept of E. coli over there.

At this point, the birds started up a ruckus.

“What do you write about? And are those birds I hear?”

“Yup. And that’s what I write about.”

Turns out his Grandfather has a B&G Macaw and a Grey. So while he was selling me stuff, I sold him the idea of getting his Grandfather a subscription to BIRD TALK for Christmas.

“Just think Mike. You can tell your Grandad that you sold the columnist on page 7 a package at AT&T.”

And so we finally got back to business again, comparing plans and figuring out how much I would save by bundling my internet and cable with my home phone. Turns out it was a pretty good savings and included 3 gift cards worth 75 bucks and he waived the installation fee. He promised that they were sending professional AT&T installers. I responded, with something snarky like,

“As opposed to what? Volunteers?”

He laughed and said, “No, I mean they actually work for us. We don’t job it out.”

“So they don’t go to work in a small bus. And they aren’t wearing impact helmets and toddler tethers?”

We were both laughing now. I mean we were having a great time!

So I asked him, “Do you like your job?”

“Beats gettin’ shot at.”

He had me there. But I have to tell you I haven’t had a conversation with a guy over the phone that I had never met, never was going to meet and probably would never speak to again that was as much fun. After talking to him, I really felt that there was no way I could pass up on the offer from a guy like that.

Did he work me? Sure he did. That was his job. But I set the rules ahead of time. He had to be honest with me, he had to compare apples to apples and he had to bring it down as low as it could go. No hidden fees, no up-charges and no backstage philandering in the contract. I told him what MCI did to me and I said to Mike, “That is never going to happen again. Odd Todd referred to MCI as “Filthy scum liars” in this video by Todd Rosenberg; aka “Odd Todd”: Laid Off:A Day in the Life 

I think he knew at that point I wasn’t playing. Mike managed to get me a great deal and it was one of the most pleasant and fun solicitation calls I’ve ever received.  So sometimes, getting a sales call isn’t a complete drag. And as Mike said, “It beats getting shot at.”

And I’d like to say hello to Mike and his wife because he promised me they would both visit my blog. So “Hello” to both of you and thanks so much Mike, for not only saving me money, but for hanging around in Iraq when you were in the service.

As you can see, I’ve been a little busy. I do this every year, busily chasing feathers around my living room, gluing my fingers together and hoping to produce a few items for the Houston Parrot Festival. This scarf, made of Cockatoo and Guinea fowl feathers was completed about an hour ago. It’s taken two full days, and I still have to hem the lining. But I think this little beauty might raise a little money for the NPRPF. Maybe I can make a matching pillow.

I’m not a big shopper. I dislike it because I’m not a browser. I don’t like going to stores just to see what they have. My shopping is purposeful: If I need something, I get it. It’s simple really. Shopping to me isn’t a sport. With some people, if they aren’t shopping as though it was a scrum at a rugby match, they haven’t really shopped. Now I ask you; is this really necessary? What is the point?

Simply awful. I just hate them. Hideous quality, they wouldn’t last two weeks. Why bother?

I haven’t bought a pair of jeans in ages because for some reason, people give me clothes. They come from various sources but somebody is always handing me a pair of jeans or some T-shirts they got from somewhere. And like them, I pass things on to my friends if I have something that I don’t wear anymore or it goes into the annual Condo yard sale of off to Haiti. I’m also big on resale shops and the Salvation Army and Good Will. When I worked with the penguins at the Cincinnati Zoo, I refused to go out and buy brand new pants just to get penguin poop and fish slime all over them. So I went to the Salvation Army Store and got some great deals on brand new khakis with the tags still on them.

These will last about a week…

That is one of the reasons I detest Black Friday. Another reason is the fact that my days at work are spent crammed into an aluminum tube with hundreds of people a day. I’m hip-deep with people when I work. Why would I want to be around so many when I’m not?

Ummm…no.

So for me, Black Friday is a “No-Go Item.” I’ve done the research and it seems that the sale prices on the items available are going to stick around, so why bother getting up and out at midnight for something you can do at a leisurely pace next week when all of the frenzy dies down?

Oh, Good God…

I hate the commercialism, the frenzy and the crap that comes with such a commercialized event. I just don’t care enough to buy a bunch of stuff I don’t give a damn about and can’t afford with money I don’t have.

This is Florida, people. Tennis shoes with socks works just fine…

So today, in protest of Black Friday and the mayhem it brings over saving five bucks on a “My Little Pony,” I am going to occupy my living room. I don’t understand it. Don’t most of these people work? And if they don’t work, how can they afford this stuff they’re buying? I’m not being snarky, I simply don’t understand.

Wouldn’t be caught dead in one of these…

Where is all of this money coming from that people are spending on Black Friday? Because I certainly don’t have that kind of money. A couple of years ago, I wanted to make some extra money at Christmas, so I baked homemade dog treats. They were very popular among my Flight Attendant friends and the packaging was nauseatingly adorable. I actually did pretty well. I also made some batches of Holiday Walnuts that people asked me to cook up for them. Those went over pretty well too. It was a lot of work, but it was fun and sure as hell beat sitting on a lawn chair in front of a Best Buy for four days.

If I need extra money, I work. I don’t camp out in front of Wal Mart to “save” that very money.

I simply have no words…

But of course this flies in the face of the “Occupy Movement.” I don’t understand; you can camp out in front of Wal-Mart, but not on Wall Street. 

Oh, I get it. I think I see the logic. It’s okay to occupy the front of a Toys ‘R Us for a week before black Friday because you’re going to spend money on a “My Little Pony.” But if you park your butt somewhere else to make a statement about the fact that you have to park your butt in front of a Toys ‘R Us for a week in order afford the damned My Little Pony, you get maced.

Now this place looks like an interesting store. I wonder what kind of Black Friday deals they have here:

It’s that time of year. Airports are busy, airplanes are full and people are flying all over the place to get to God-knows-where. We understand. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve had Christmas off. To make both our lives a little easier, I’ve composed this list of pointers to help make your travel plans and finding your way through the airport a bit easier:

1. )  Go to the restroom before you board the plane.

It’s intensely difficult to get back to your seat when 166 passengers with luggage and purchased items as well as the other 100 pounds of crap they carried on board with them are attempting to get to their seats. And they are walking down a narrow aisle in the opposite direction as you. Your only option at that point is to stand in the galley where I am banging on bags of ice with an ice mallet because the temperature turned the bag of ice into one big block. I’m also moving carts around, pulling 20 pound inserts of soda and throwing those around. I’m assembling cart top inserts, ripping dry ice off the beer before it freezes and loading ovens with very long racks full of your meals. There truly is no room for you back here. And by the way, the first class lav looks just like the rest of them.

2.)  When you put your stuff in the overhead bin, make sure you test to see if the lid will close.

If it cannot close, I’m going to have to wrestle with it. If it still doesn’t fit, that sucker is going in the belly. Please don’t argue about it because if it doesn’t fit, it doesn’t fit. Please recognize the fact that I am indeed trying to help you. Quite simply,  if I have no place to put it elsewhere, it’s going in the belly. And if you are uncomfortable with that, then we have other flights we can rebook you on.

3.)  I cannot give you what I don’t have.

And we normally don’t keep condiments in the galley such as ketchup, mustard, fresh ground pepper, hot sauce or mayonnaise. If it’s not on your tray, I probably don’t have it.

4.)  If I get to the back of the plane and I don’t offer you a choice of meals, this means I don’t have the other item or items available.

 It means that I have none left. Again, I cannot give you what I don’t have. Please refrain from getting huffy over the fact that I’m out of the chicken. Trust me, it wasn’t that good in the first place.

5.)  Do not ask me “What do you have?” as a response to my question, “What would you like to drink?”

There is a list of available items in the seat back pocket.  I usually respond with “What would you like?”  Or just take a shot. Because this takes less time than:

 “Coke, Diet Coke, Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Sprite, Sierra Mist, Sierra Mist Zero, ginger ale, Dr. Pepper, diet Dr. Pepper, Tonic water, Soda water, orange juice, apple juice, tomato juice, bloody mary mix, cranberry-apple juice, coffee, tea, milk, water, regular beer, lite beer, red wine, white wine, and assorted cocktails.”

1. )  If you ask for coffee, please tell me how you want it. Black? Cream? Cream and sugar? Just sugar? Do not assume I have a crystal ball between my knees and can just tell by looking at you how you want it. “In a cup.” is not an appropriate answer either. And neither is “Black coffee with cream.”  It confuses me.

   

7.) Do not assume that a Flight Attendant in an airport can give you driving directions. Chances are she doesn’t live in that city and may never have been out of the airport at that particular destination. I have been to Port Au Prince probably a thousand times. I left the airport only once about 20 years ago for lunch during a delay. I ended up with amebic dysentery and lost thirty pounds as a result of eating a bowl of chicken soup for my trouble.

8.)  We are here to help you. We are here to serve you a drink and maybe some food. We are also here to save your life if need be.

But we are primarily here because the FAA says we have to be here. Please remember, when I ask you to do something, I’m really not asking you. I’m telling you. In other words, you kind of have to do it. We don’t make the rules. We simply have to ensure that you follow them. It’s their law. It’s our job. Now do me a favor and turn the flippin’ cell phone off the first time I ask you to do it. I personally don’t give a damn. But the FAA does and if there’s an inspector on board and if he sees you with that thing on after we told you to turn it off, get out the checkbook, and gird your loins for a large fine.

9.)  If there’s enough turbulence where the plane is rocking and rolling so bad you can’t walk, what makes you assume I can? In turbulence, we are ordered to our jump seats by the Captain and we have to stay strapped in. Quit banging on that call light because we simply cannot get up even if we wanted to.  And by the way, we’re not made of titanium so if you wouldn’t get up, don’t expect us to.

10.) Here’s why you shouldn’t board a plane when you’re in labor:

All in all, it’s a handy little list of pointers that might make your life and mine a bit more agreeable.

If you look at reality shows these days, it’s enough to make you scream. The “Housewives” franchise, “Big Brother,” which I’ve never seen, “The Rachel Zoe Project,” which I saw five minutes of, “The Bachelor,” “The Bachelorette,” “Fear Factor,” are all reality shows I had absolutely no interest in. They all come off as highly polished and intensely engineered documentaries. But they’re simply not as good.

Image at: InfoBarrel

I was reading an article written by a woman who lives on a farm with 200 rescued animals. I saw the link on Facebook and it was interesting. Apparently this woman wants to pitch a network about her life. The article was funny, enlightening and interesting. And she’s right. I think it would make a fascinating show. And of course you’ve got Heidi Fleiss’s show that apparently never got off the ground. I kind of had hope for that one. She may be a nut job, but she is very smart.

This got me thinking: If I had my own reality show, what would it be like? Well, it would probably involve me ramming around airports, making chop and repeatedly mopping my floor. Throw in a lot of typing with a parrot on my shoulder, and gluing my fingers together making scarves and pillows for parrot adoption non-profits and you’d have one damned boring show.

But if you followed me around Best Friends or the Cincinnati Zoo, that would be fun.

This got me even thinking some more: What would your reality show be like?

So in doing all of this thinking, I got to thinking: I’m thinking it’s high time for another contest.

So here’s the deal. I want you to come up with a concept for your own reality TV show. It can be anything, but obviously  one that includes an animal theme or has to do with working with animals in some way gets big points.  I haven’t come up with a prize yet, but I’ll think of something really cool. Or at least kind of cool. The more creative the format, the better.

Photographs? Of course! If you can manage it.  Drawings, photo shop, storyboards, perhaps a script would work. What would be even cooler would be a video. Anything you can put together that would “pitch” your reality show. Group entries are welcome, but don’t kill me as I don’t have Warren Buffet’s bank account. In the meantime, I’m going to try and get a sponsor to help with the prizes.

This is a tough one, so you have until noon on Christmas Day. I know it sounds like a long time but seeing as the holidays are coming up, people are going to be busy. This ought to give you ample time to come up with a show concept, a pitch and a way of providing background on what the show is all about. You can use imaginary hosts, guests, and concepts. But remember, it has to be a “Reality Show,” so no ideas of your macaw flying to the moon unless you can figure out how to get him actually invited by NASA and show me the space suit. Good luck with your reality show and I can’t wait to see the entries!

If you’ve seen my Facebook wall, or hung around here for any length of time, you might have figured out that I love good food. Because of this predilection, I essentially was forced to learn to cook fairly well at a fairly early age. Going out to restaurants is expensive and while I love to go out, it does tend to get pricey. So I learned to cook.

I remember making Chioppino when I was in school just because I saw a recipe in a magazine and it looked good.

Click on the image to see NJ Paleo Girl's Blog. She's a good writer.

Just recently, I have gotten into making Bo Ssam, as well as a mixed bean salad with cilantro, onion, pepper and gorgonzola. I’ve always loved crab, even better than shrimp, and sushi is a favorite. However, there are “hangover tastes” left over from my earlier days: my childhood, poor times and sometimes it’s just crap food that I simply like. How about some examples? I simply love peanut butter on rye toast. With butter. I used to eat it as a kid and I still do on occasion. And not any fancy-schmancy peanut butter with lumps. I prefer the creamy stuff.

And even more disgusting: I like ham sandwiches with yellow mustard. On squishy white bread. I don’t know where I get this…

Now I can “gourmand” with the best of them. I love Thomas Keller’s work at the French Laundry and Per Se. The French Laundry is Mecca for me. And I hope to go have dinner there one day.

Here are a few examples of yesterday’s menu:

The problem is that I have very little drawing ability. Photographs have had to do.  I’ve made a few of them and hope you get a laugh.