The inspiration for this piece is from the film, Finding Forrester.  I love this film because it’s about writing, and involves typing, talking and ideas. At the end of the film, the “J.D. Salingeresque”  character, writer William Forrester delivers the essay “Losing Family” to a classroom of students written by one of their classmates. The film dissolves the middle of the piece and we never hear the entire essay, but the beginning and end are poignant, touching and gripped my heart. It also didn’t hurt that Sean Connery played Forrester and was reading the piece written by the character, sixteen year-old Jamal Wallace. I decided to fill in the middle. My words complete what I think it might mean.

“Finding Family”

By Patricia Sund

Losing Family.

“Losing family obliges us to find our family. Not always the family that is our blood, but the family that can become our blood. Should we have the wisdom to open our door to this new family, we will find that the wishes we had for the father, who once guided us and for the brother, who once inspired us…”

…are not merely wishes at all.  A family is not what you always imagine it will be. It isn’t the Norman Rockwell painting emblazoned in the minds of so many who’s memories of their own family get-togethers  depict the quaint “New England” quality that Rockwell so beautifully depicted.  We didn’t all have that picture postcard in our lives. And if we did, not all of us have the luxury of repeating the experience.

We begin with pure hearts, high ideals, and huge aspirations. We want to have the word by the tail. And at age twenty-two, we have the energy. It seems that at twenty-two, anything is possible. We are inspired and it seems we have all the time in the world.  There are now many different types of families. As you might know and perhaps have experienced, not all families are completely human. Not all of us know what we want in life at the outset of adulthood. This responsibility and  capability of “knowing” what you are to do and really want to do with your life doesn’t always occur to so many of us at such an early age.

Then comes the process of elimination. We may not know what we want to do, but perhaps we know at this point what we don’t want in our lives.

Life has a strange way of sometimes choosing for you. You end up in a place purely by a series of choices. You choose to live somewhere and that life unfolds. You choose to do something and suddenly, things in your life begin to change. You make an arbitrary decision and it alters the course of your life.

Deciding what you don’t want has the same effect. I didn’t want to live in tract house out in the suburbs somewhere, married and with children. I couldn’t have done that. I admire the people who look to that as their goal because, to me, it seems so hard. It seemed so selfless and grinding. I just couldn’t have imagined that as a life for me.

And yet, it appeared to me that so many people chose that lot in life because they thought it would be the easier, more predictable way of living. I think many choose that because they didn’t realize that they have a choice. This astounds me. I never understood why it might not have occurred to them they could have selected a different road and chosen an alternate way to travel through life.

I suppose if you knew me or have even met me, you’d understand that the life chosen by so many others, meant that it was not for me. In choosing my road in life, I “took the one less traveled by.”

Because of this choice, my family has come to me. They too, ended up on the rockier, more slippery slope.

Life sometimes chooses for you. My family is not of my blood, and not entirely of my species, but I view them as my clan. My tribe. My troop. My fraternity. It includes people, birds and a dog and it is indeed where I am grounded. Spiritual writer Denise Linn has observed: “My old Chinese teacher used to say that a person will draw to himself those who want what he has to offer. So, whatever your level of ability, whoever comes to you, knows within his higher self what you have to offer. And what you have to offer is what that person needs at that time.”

My family, and perhaps yours, is one of your own destiny and of your own making. It defies species, relations and arbitrary obligations. It is, indeed what life has offered and what you have accepted and embraced. It is not bound by the traditional meaning of “Family.”  You are not connected by blood, relation, obligation, or any other prerequisite to form what is important and meaningful to you. It doesn’t matter that it might be incomprehensible to others.

FORRESTER: Do you know what people are most afraid of?

JAMAL: What?

FORRESTER: What they don’t understand. And when we don’t understand we turn to our assumptions.

Deciding  what to do with the time you are allotted in life is a challenge. Best you do what is in your heart; even if it takes you down the mossier path. I have found that while that path is sometimes rockier, more difficult, and tougher to navigate, in the end you might find the family that you truly belong to and in turn belongs to you. We chose this path because our family spoke to us along the way and it was often in the form of a bird’s call, a dog’s bark, or a friend’s request for company. That beckoning might be a door opening to your family. It may not be traditional, but it is what we are and what we chose.Accept this group, or clan that you have and respect it for what it is: Your Family. It may not be what others perceive as family. But then, they didn’t choose the same road.  The limits in their choices are not yours. Live and celebrate your choice. Respect the road you chose.

By taking that road, you have made the decision to choose how to live and who to love as opposed to accepting what has been given to you by merely being born. It is the dignity of choice that makes all the difference. And the gift of choosing your family is the ultimate bestowal. Treat them well.

“… The only thing left to say will be: “I wish I had seen this, or I wish I had done that, or I wish…

Most of you are too young to know what your wishes will be. But when I read these words…words of hope, dreams, I realize that the one wish that was granted to me, so late in life was the gift of friendship.”

Do you remember that for the last two years I worked at the Cincinnati Zoo as a “Guest Keeper?”

Well, that was all well and good and I had a blast, (I also worked my keester off…) but I have that chapter of my book written and it’s time to move on to the next one. I miss the Zoo something awful, but I have other things I have to do, other places I have to go and other adventures I have to experience. I don’t know if you recall, but the reason I began this blog and call it “Parrot Nation” is because I am currently, (and perpetually it seems,) working on completing a manuscript by the same name. This is harder than it looks. While I enjoy writing, I also enjoy eating and keeping a roof over my head which, in my case, involves putting on a uniform more often than not, getting on an airplane and flying around making sure that our flights are safe, people are happy and my company makes a profit for our shareholders.

Me With Miss Vicki, the "Texas Twister"

And I’m happy to do that. Really. I mean it. But that takes up a lot of time. And so does writing for “BIRD TALK” Magazine. We won’t even go into the time it takes to keep up with three rambunctious African Greys, one of which is Parker. And if you’ve read my column, you know how he is.

See? Not all of my readers at BT are Birds. Perhaps Gabby thinks the magazine is a menu...

And of course there’s Mattie, who is little or no bother at all, but she does need some care and attention.

Mattie, the "Wonder Doorstop"

So it’s no wonder that this flippin’ book is taking me longer than the Vietnam War. But it’s coming along. The problem is always time. Oh, and the travel. Oh and the money. And did I mention the travel? Did I mention that when you spend close to a hundred hours a month on an airplane, the last thing you want to do on your time off is get on an airplane?

Perhaps now you can understand why I really don’t like moving around very much when I’m not flying. But fly I must and I have to climb onto a few airplanes to complete this manuscript. Which brings me to my next trip: Best Friends Animal Society.

According to their website, “Best Friends Animal Society is guided by a simple philosophy: kindness to animals builds a better world for all of us. In the late 1980s, when Best Friends was in its early days, roughly 17 million dogs and cats were being killed in shelters every year. Despite the commitment of shelter workers to the animal in their care, the conventional belief was that little could be done to lower that terrible number.”

Best Friends was also featured on the Nat Geo Channel in a series called “Dogtown” which ran for four seasons and had enormous popularity. This in turn boosted the notoriety of “Best Friends,” and they still have the title, (as far as I know) as the largest, non-profit, no-kill sanctuary in the world. And of course there was that little matter of the Michael Vick dogs. They performed miracles there.

Good stuff as far as I”m concerned. Most people are aware that they have dogs and cats. But did you know that they have a large variety of animals? Yup. Besides dogs and cats, they also have rabbits, horses, ducks, sheep, raptors and pigs. Yes, pigs. They also have, umm, wait a second, it slipped my mind…wait a second…

Oh yeah! Parrots! BF has parrots. A lot of parrots. A plethora of parrots that all need homes. Here is one of my favorite photos of all time. It’s Rick Van Tuyl, who works at the BF “Parrot Garden” with a few of his buddies:

Photo courtesy Rick Van Tuyl

Well! Now you might ask what my interest is in BF. BF is big. Real big. And they are an “in place” shelter. Unlike many fabulous adoption and rescues which foster out their charges, BF is a brick and mortar rescue and they have a way of doing things that I think I would be remiss in not including in my book. And to be honest with you, lots of people are interested in the place. Which obviously isn’t going to hurt people’s interest in the manuscript. But most of all, I want to raise the public’s awareness of areas at the Sanctuary that isn’t about cats and dogs. I had an email conversation with Parrot Garden Manager, Steve Scheurich a while back about coming out to work and writing it up here. He thought it was a marvelous idea and began putting things into motion for that to happen. When I was able to nail down the dates and get ready to work on the particulars, things just fell into place.

For the last week, I have been gathering, packing, checking lists, filling out forms, making phone calls, writing emails, arranging for rides to and from airports,  getting computer stuff done and generally running around like a fool. But it’s been fun.

It’s my vacation. And as usual, I’ll be spending it working. But I have found over the past years that:

1. Change of work is rest.

2. If you can do something really cool that adds to and improves the world, you can head home knowing that you contributed  to an effort where you actually made a difference, as opposed to simply consuming. This is profound. And I guarantee that you will talk about it for the rest of your life.

3. Going on vacation at a place like Best Friends will not only change your life, it will have a profound effect on what they are trying to accomplish. You will be helping in a way that only one person can: One moment at a time.

I used to do “lie down vacations.” The sort where you go somewhere and do nothing. I loved it. But once  I came back I didn’t really feel as though I had accomplished anything. I was the same person. I felt empty. But when I first went to the Cincinnati Zoo and spent three weeks working my tail off,  I came home a different person. I had changed for the better. And that made all the difference. Because as small as my little contribution to them was, it wasn’t about the free labor they received. It was about the difference it made in me. Did it make a difference to them? I like to think so. I mean, after all, they invited me back. Perhaps in my small way, I somehow made a scratch on the surface of this huge world. I made a difference. I helped make things better.

Not everyone gets to the some of the extraordinary things I have been privileged to do. But Best Friends? They welcome everyone who has a love of animals. You may not think taking a dog for a walk to be a big deal. But it is for that dog. Because that dog might have come from a puppy mill and this is an introduction to a wonderful experience that is Disney World to that dog. You will do honest work that isn’t that demanding. How tough is it to rake a yard or wash some food dishes? But at the end of the day you will have contributed something that will have made a difference to those animals. And I haven’t been there, but having worked at the Cincinnati Zoo, I can tell you it will make a profound difference to those who work there. And your presence will be felt by the animals.  I leave soon for Kanab. I’ll be writing about it almost daily. Please check back as I get ready for a trip that is going to rock my world. I can’t wait. And while you’re at it, check out Best Friends:

I just got my new tiffins and man they are lookers! Purchased from “The Happy Tiffin,” these tiffins are beautiful, functional and fun to use.  The blue tiffin on the top is a two-tier tiffin (5.0″L x 5.0″W x 4.8″H) and is perfect for all the little fussy things I like to carry with me: things like cheese slices or chunks, cut up vegetables, artichoke hearts or a small side dish. The two tiffins on the bottom are called “lunch bowls” and they are leakproof. They have a silicon seal to keep them airtight and spill-proof. Because of the seal, you cannot use the top which contains the seal in an oven, but aluminum foil works just fine. I’ll be using those for my messier meals: soup, stew, pasta with sauce and one of my favorite breakfasts: “shakshuka” which is an Israeli dish made of stewed tomatoes, garlic, onions, peppers and flavored with paprika, topped with raw egg which poaches in the hot tomato stew. Inexpensive and a slammin’ way to start the day!

I use these tiffins every day at work. They’re perfect for me because there’s no microwave on airplanes. I have to use the convection ovens onboard the aircraft so obviously Tupperware is out! Here is my lunch for today. I’m headed for Costa Rica and back:

You might very well ask, “What in God’s name does she have in there?” Well, good question. I have a ham sandwich, a cameo apple, (my favorite kind!) some radishes with butter and kosher salt, (It’s a French Bistro thing…spread the butter on the radish and dip in the salt. Really tasty!) I have some cut-up vegetables and some cottage cheese mixed with blue cheese salad dressing topped with fresh-ground pepper to dip the vegetables in. That ought to hold me all the way to San Jose!

I have an appearance to make on January 16th with Parker, Pepper and Mattie at the Petco in Naples Florida, and I’m bringing the tiffins with me. Organzied by Petco Manager Christina Giordano of “Angels of Flight,” it’s looking to be a top-flight event. She is presenting a Festival called “Tapestry of Nations.”

Originally a small, one store event, her last event for Petco, along with her networking ability, has gotten the attention of Petco Corporate people. And it should. Christina not only bagged me (again!) for the event, she got a great BIG Kahuna to join me in appearing at Petco’s, Tapestry of Nations. I’ll be speaking along with Steve Scheurich of the “Best Friends Animal Society” in Kenab Utah. (You know, “Dog Town” on the Nat Geo Channel.) We’re both doing it because we believe in what Christina is trying to accomplish. I think she is not only really talented at putting together events like this, she is wonderful with people and has gone out of her way to make sure that both Steve and I will be comfortable. Steve’s flying in from Utah and I’m driving across Alligator Alley with the dog and birds in tow, so it’s nice to know that Christina has thought of every little detail to make things easier on us; right down to ensuring there is a fridge in my hotel room for the dog and bird food. It’s a charity event for the “Petco Foundation“, so we are appearing as a favor to Christina.

It’ll be a weekend deal and with the dog and birds along, the tiffins are going to be doing double-time as food containers and water bowl for the birds and dog. I’ll just put their food in the tiffins and stick them in a cooler. The Happy Tiffin also has some really neat looking insulated bags so your tiffins journeys can be more comfy for them and for you. They’ll keep hot things hot and cold things cold. Using a tiffin and carrying your own food can be less expensive, healthier and now even more fun. So you see? The tiffins will also be making their debut at the Festival as pet food containers. Those little tiffins get around!

I was invited by the Naples, Florida Petco to join in the festivities and participate in their First Annual Pet Festival. It was a Fundraiser for the “Petco Foundation.” According to their website:

“In February, 1999, the PETCO Foundation was established to promote a wide variety of educational and charitable activities nationwide by partnering with approximately 5,700 local animal welfare organizations at the grassroots level. Since then, the PETCO Foundation has raised more than $49 million through a combination of fundraisers including Tree of Hope, Spring A Pet, Round Up and KIND News. In addition, the PETCO Foundation is always prepared to launch immediate fundraising efforts in the case of natural disasters and emergencies.”

I was happy to represent “BIRD TALK” Magazine. BT sent some issues down which I happily signed and gave to the attendees, compliments of the magazine. I met so many wonderful people and even a few birds. They managed to raise some money for the foundation as well as arranging for some of the local pet rescues to find homes for quite a few animals.

Petco arranged for a small area to pet some animals: A miniature horse, some pygmy goats and some pigs. They had some great carnival games, and the big Petco Mascot, “Red Ruff” was on hand for photos and fun. Here is a photo of Mattie and I taking it all in. Mattie had a wonderful time meeting everyone. And so did I:

They arranged for a beautiful area for me and the birds to hang out. Chistina, a Manager at the store organized the event and did a superb job. 

All in all it was such a successful day both for the animals and the people. Here is a video of Parker and me greeting some “Bird Talk” Magazine readers and supplying them with complimentary copies “autographed” by Parker, Pepper and Mattie. (I used a bird track stamp and a paw-print stamp!):

Maisy

I’m sorry to tell you that my canine friend, Maisy passed away yesterday. Maisy was the 14 year companion of my good friend and and neighbor Beverly. I am completely devastated, so I can’t even imagine how Beverly feels. Beverly got her when she was 8 weeks old at the Humane Society and they’ve been together ever since. Maisy got very ill yesterday morning and Beverly took her to the Vet. Maisy passed away at about 10:30 yesterday morning. I went to the Vet’s office when I got the call to see what I could do. I simply did what I could and followed Beverly home. All I could do was be there for her.

I took care of Maisy 3 or 4 days a week when Bevy was completing her clinical work while in the process of getting her Master’s degree.  And I ended up getting quite attached to her. So I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck, and I can’t concentrate on anything. The grief from losing an animal, even if it’s not yours is a real side-swiper. She was my friend and buddy. In the 9 or so months I looked after Maisy, I wrote a series of letters to Beverly from Maisy to have Maisy tell Bevy how her day went. “Letters From Maisy” is actually a very fun account of her days and evenings with me from her perspective and I’m so glad I wrote them because both Beverly and I have a diary of sorts of a period of Maisy’s life.

So, it was a tough day for us. But I don’t feel any better today. I know it will pass, but I haven’t felt this bad since Alex the African Grey died. Alex was the brainy bird who was the colleague of Dr. Irene Pepperberg. Not even my Grey! I never met Alex (although I have met Irene) and that loss took me 2 weeks to get over. I modeled a lot of my training methods on Irene’s work with Alex.

Here is a Video of Alex:

This is even more difficult for me because even though I felt horrible about Alex, Maisy was my friend and I feel so empty and beat up. I love the fable of the rainbow bridge and it has helped me immensely. It just makes me feel better.

The Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.

There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….

Author unknown…

This grief is very real to me and even though Maisy was a very elderly dog and had a wonderful life, I loved her very much and I am finding the loss of my friend Maisy quite painful. Maisy will be missed by lots of people, but I will miss her tremendously. Play in peace at the Bridge, Maisy. I love you.

So last night I bundled up the bird cages with extra sheets and towels. Pepper, my bald Grey got a small quilt on her cage. 

Pepper my bald, rescued Grey

I have the day off but I have a lot to do and I can assure you that all activities will most likely take place indoors. The parrots will love it because I’ll be whizzing around the kitchen making dog biscuits for Christmas. They like me hanging around with them because they simply love company. They’re out on their play gyms all day and they mess around and preen and play or just nap periodically. When I’m in the kitchen, occasionally I’ll tell them what I’m doing. I’ll say, “I’m cutting the dog cookies, and then I’m going to bake them.” Nyla will pretend she hasn’t heard me and says in a loud voice, “What?” So I have to repeat myself, to which she replies, “Oh.”

My friend JB is coming over for a couple of days to search for a job. He lives on the west coast of Florida and is driving alligator alley to get here. He does handyman stuff for me and will be staying in my guest bedroom/office. His girlfriend Tish was going to come over as well, but I guess she’s feeling punky and isn’t up to the trip. It seems as though all of my friends have colds.

I worked the Haiti trip 5 days in a row and I went to a party on Saturday night so I’m still a little trashed. The party was a lot of fun and it was a dress up shin-dig, so I wore an evening gown. People were a little freaked out because I’m either wearing my work uniform or I’m in jeans, a t-shirt and sneakers, but I clean up pretty well, actually. I can pull off wearing an evening gown because I’m built like a thermometer with eyes and I’m tall, so they always look pretty good on me. Add 4-inch heels and you’ve got a pretty tall thermometer wobbling around! Unfortunately my feet are still killing me. I have some time off this week to get some stuff done around here.

My friend Les is over fixing Parker’s play stand. He’s replacing one of the branches and hanging a dried ear of corn for him to mess around with. This is not his playstand, but this is kind of what it looks like:

They’re just terrific. These are made by Wayne Gagne, and they are fabricated out of bottlebrush wood. The parrots love them and it gives them the opportunity to be out of their “rooms” (cages) during the day when I am around. Here’s his website:

www.waynesparrotstuff.com

I’m making some navy beans with onions and ham for dinner and those are happily simmering on the stove. It’s a good day for it.  I’ll keep you posted on how it goes with with a Timneh that’s in the process of being re-homed. Thanks for stopping by.

Feathers

I saw feathers everywhere. In piles next to Swan Lake, lying along paths, stuck to plants, and being lifted into the air by the breeze.

Now perhaps I’m a bit “Pro-Bird”, but there are birds working everywhere on the property and they have left their mark all over the Zoo. Manhattan has their pigeons, but the Cincinnati Zoo has their own upscale, stylish version of a pigeon. When it comes to having wild, begging birds that give you a bad look and walk out of your way like the Manhattan Pigeon, this Zoo doesn’t screw around. May I introduce to you the Cincinnati Zoo Pigeon:

(Indulge me here. This is the weirdest thing I’ve seen on “You Tube” in a long time) :

                                              http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9Vx_p08G8U

These guys are everywhere. Hanging out in front of the restaurants, and out back of the Bird House; they are of course prevalent wherever there is food.

People, this is not the same bird. They are everywhere. At first I thought the little guy was following me around, and then showing up with his family for free handouts and then following me across the zoo to show up in front of the Stellar Eagles Exhibit.

But alas, no. There are Peacocks aplenty all over the Zoo. So the Cincinnati Zoo is among the few, the privileged and the proud that can claim to have the most beautiful, flamboyant and oversized “pigeon” population in the Land. Hats off to thee Cincinnati Zoo! You have the most gorgeous “Pigeons” in the world!