One of the things you must deal with when you have a blog is Spam. In my case it’s pretty clear cut. Word Press, the platform on which I produce my blog has this handy little program named Askimet that filters out what it believes are crap comments that are only designed to respond to posts in a generic way so that their links can be visible to the readers in hopes you will click on them. Askimet catches almost all of them. I think it’s missed three or four in the almost four years I’ve been blogging and it had the decency to scratch its head, tap me on the shoulder and ask, “Ummm, did you want me to put this comment up? Because this one looks a little fishy…”

I assure you, it gets a bit wild and wooly and I had absolutely no idea the types of websites were out there until I took a look at who was trying to get on my blog via the comments. Sheeesh! Occasionally, I take a look and need a shower shortly after reading where the comment is coming from. Some are fairly gross.

Now, occasionally I will get a comment from someone from a foreign country who’s grasp of English is a little sketchy, but if I understand what they are trying to say, I’ll clean the comment up for them just a tad to make it more understandable. I feel that if  I found a blog in a foreign language that I translated using Google and the translator did a fairly crappy job translating my comment, I’d want a fairly godmother to clean up what I was trying to say. So I don’t feel too bad about that.

But I’m absolutely flabbergasted by some of the links and the idiocy of most of the comments. Some are from dating websites, online casinos, drug, supplement and prescription websites, colon cleansers, carpet cleaners and porn sites, (just from the links and the descriptions posted, I was getting a rash and a bad case of the heaves.) One website obviously had no clue and left me seventeen screens worth of mindless, inane comments. Seventeen! Obviously, they had a list of pre-formatted comments written to choose from and instead of choosing one, they just shot the entire list over. Here is a sample. A very small sample: 

Thank you for your blog.Really thank you! Cool.
Im grateful for the blog article.Much thanks again. Cool.
Im grateful for the blog post.Thanks Again. Great.
A round of applause for your blog post. Awesome.
I think this is a real great blog. Much obliged.
“Appreciate you sharing, great blog post.Much thanks again.”
Thanks-a-mundo for the article.Much thanks again. Want more.
Muchos Gracias for your article post.Thanks Again. Really Great.
“Wow, great post.Much thanks again. Much obliged.”

And the websites that send these comments? Ewww. However, some of the comments are hilarious! I didn’t touch them. These comments came to me in the condition you see. Behold:

I may visit your site oftenly and introduce it to my neibourghhood.

thank you for sharing with us, I conceive this website really stands out : D.

 This service is mainly unique pokies games to folks who’re with the millionaire position.

 The words throughout those two words and phrases actually clarify themselves.

 Don’t look and feel a present horse from the mouth

 Great post about how to buy used bucket trucks. I write a blog and would love to have you write a guest post. Let me know if you’re interested. You can contact me at how to buy used bucket trucks.

Definitely believe that which you stated. Your favorite reason seemed to be on the internet the simplest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get annoyed while people consider worries that they plainly dont know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and defined out the whole thing without having sideeffects , people can take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks

Thing one (My laptop) goes almost everywhere with me.

Sometimes, the backside of this blog is kind of entertaining…

If you ever run into her, (You will eventually. If you attend any avian related events, ask Janet how she met me. She has a very funny response.) My point is, people are actually making friends and acquaintances using social media to connect. With that, they share and exchange information, swap ideas, photos and also help, encourage and console each other during the rough times. Due to this, many friendships are developing as well as a more “family-like atmosphere.” Consequently, you just might run into your “Online Uncle Max” at a bird event. You’ve never met him before, but you feel like you already know him because you know how many birds he has, their names and the fact that his African Grey can recite Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address.

Me, Robin Shewokis of Leather Elves, Lisa Bono of Platinum Parrot, Jessica Pineda, Editor- BIRD TALK Magazine and Dr. Susan Orosz

Photo supplied by Lisa Bono

But of course, along with this are the feuds that seem to pop up in even the closest of clans. Yes, you end up with blood in the water occasionally as misunderstandings occur, differences of opinion pop up and flat out disrespect for another’s point of view roars through the pixels*.

(*Fun Fact #1: Pixel: ORIGIN 1960s: abbreviation of the phrase, picture element.)

There are the “junior high school Mean Girl” moments as well as the warm and fuzzies. But that even happens in the closest of families, so this is to be expected, I guess.

 Despite this, the information exchange has done wonders for the companion parrots of the world. As people join this ever-growing, “Global Family,” they are learning that it’s better to adopt than buy, that an all-seed diet simply blows, and that foraging and enrichment are important for our feathered buddies. And avian nutrition? Well, let’s just say that I’m working my keester off trying to ensure that Chop is the “New Black” in a parrot’s diet. I want to ensure that Chop is a standard element in feeding a healthy diet to your parrot.

Michelle Elle’s Chop: Photo by Michelle

As I keep my head down and go on typing, more and more people are learning that this is the way to go. I have other ideas and I’m trying to develop new methods and more ways to deliver the nutritional goods. And overall, I’m really focused getting that information out.

But as people become more aware of the needs and requirements of companion birds, interest in more information about how to care for them has grown exponentially across all areas of companion parrot care. Because of this, the demand for website content, more research and answers to the growing questions about caring for the little buggers has increased. The realization and insight people have gained through the internet about the subject of Avian Husbandry has had a positive impact on everyone.

These folks who never really grasped some basic elements of the diet requirements for parrots before, are now beginning to wake up and smell the quinoa. They are beginning to ask questions and search for information as they run into others who seem to have a better grasp on how to care for their flocks. They are starting to understand that while an all-seed diet might be easier, it sure as hell is more expensive, more dangerous and will lead them and their wallet down that ugly road to Avian Vet hell.

Michelle Elle’s got it down! Photo by Michelle.

Pictured:  flax seeds, rolled oats. barley and wheat baby cereals, cayenne pepper, red pepper flakes, sesame seed, wheat germ, chia seeds

Enter the Chop Concept. Good news: It’s spreading like STDs at a Florida senior citizens social center. If dietary requirements are met, foraging opportunities are presented, training is done, and a clearer understanding of the needs and prerequisites of keeping birds is acknowledged, the birds are going to get a better shot at staying put. The bird is happier and healthier which certainly plays into their behavior. And if their behavior is easier to deal with and their needs are met, we’re less likely to want give up our birds.

This certainly would ease the strain on the shelters and the adoption and rescue organizations which would free them up to present educational seminars and social gatherings; a far more positive pursuit.

But me being me, it seems as though it’s not enough. When I was at lunch with some of the attendees after my presentation at the Phoenix Landing event on January seventh, I called for a toast. I thanked everyone for coming and helping me out. I then stated that I simply couldn’t wait to see Phoenix Landing go out of business. They laughed and held up their glasses. Because I don’t think they can wait for that day either.

Actually, I think that’s what we all want.

For the most part, The Houston Parrot Festival 2012 was a smaller, quieter and more subdued event than in past years. I think it’s primarily for two reasons:

1.) The economy blows.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s getting better, but it still blows and people are spending their time trying to make house payments and getting their kids through school rather than picking up and flying off to Houston to attend this amazing event.

It’s a shame, but you can see it and feel it everywhere, so it is going to be palpable and obvious in Houston as well. It has hit this industry like a sledgehammer. Suffice it to say, it’s a bit difficult to keep your parrot when you’re living in a car.

 2.) We’re getting older.

This whole “keeping parrots” business is waning in popularity with the younger generations because it’s expensive and they simply don’t have the money. (see #1…) The younger generation has witnessed firsthand what many members of the baby boomers did to screw themselves financially. They have no intention of making the same mistakes and this begins with embarking on an expensive lifestyle choice.

With the way things are going, the “Party in Parrot-dise” should probably start at about four of five in the afternoon just when the “Early Bird Specials” hit their busy times in Palm Beach and should wind down about ten p.m.

As it is, I for one had to go upstairs for a quick “lie down” before gearing up for a party after wandering around and talking with people all day.

So trust me, I’m not exempt from this whining desire that the party start earlier. Now that that has been stated, we can move on…

As you can see, I had a blast:

 Despite the fact that I had a cold, I managed to uhhh, medicate myself with aspirin, nasal spray, naps and a bloody mary or two to keep the nasty symptoms at bay.  There were of course familiar faces and people I knew very well, but we also had new people. And among those new faces a at the Festival were a few good friends of mine who had never before attended. With a little incessant whining, I managed to convince Jacque Johnson of the Best Friends Animal Sanctuary Parrot Garden and Janet Holt Hilton to come to the Festival.

Jacque and Janet. Great jacket on Janet she picked up from the Antique Beak!

I also had a riot getting together with Jessica Pineda, my Editor at BIRD TALK Magazine.

I just love saying that: “…my editor…” It’s like having a net when you’re on a trapeze. You might not need it, but it sure as hell makes you feel better.

Anyway, hanging with Jessica and ripping ideas around is always fun. And of course I dragged my feather scarves along to see if they could raise a little cash for the cause:

And they did. My feather work raised 380.00 for the NPRPF. I wish it was more but it’s a respectable amount.

Here’s a shot of me with Concetta DellaRocco-Ferragamo and the third scarf fabricated from African Grey feathers:

And toys. Did I mention the vendors had toys all over the place? And food? And samples? And artwork? God the artwork was amazing this year! While the entire event was smaller and more intimate, it certainly didn’t lack in the quality of items being sold.

The speakers were excellent and Susan Friedman was on hand to give her presentation of “P-A-R-R-O-T Do Tell” Six principles of effective teaching strategies and behavior management.

Jacque Johnson on the left, Starbird Toys Owner, Bonnie Jay on the right and Susan and I in the middle.

I didn’t get much of a chance to talk with Susan. Susan turns nearly every encounter into a learning opportunity so she was extremely busy answering questions and discussing the power of positive reinforcement. Susan’s agenda is education and she takes every opportunity to help people understand Applied Behavior Analysis. Here is her Training and education Facebook Page: “Behavior Works” I can tell you this much; if you haven’t read her work, attended one of her conferences or training sessions or signed up for “LLP: Living and Learning with Parrots,”   you are missing out. She has some really cool ways of teaching. This for instance: Check out this rap song! Just click on the Banner and get ready to rock. It’s really clever and I just love the thing, but then, I love education with some entertainment thrown in:

The cool people at Chirping Central were there. Chirping Central endeavors to inform and raise awareness on a number of levels, but most of all they are about avian conservation. Well! You should some of the freakin’ artwork they had! Janet Hilton won the 400.00 shopping spree drawing sponsored by BIRD TALK  and she selected this wonderful huge print of a Lear’s Macaw by artist, Mark McDowell:

You really need to check out their website and see the prints they have available. I’m not to much into avian art, but what they have available is gorgeous! All in all it was a raucous and fun festival. Granted, it was smaller, but it was a ton of fun as usual. I really hope we can “reboot and reboost” the attendance on this event. It’s really so much fun and with the new products and educational forums available, I simply feel that the Festival is an event you shouldn’t miss. I hope to see you next year.

I got back from the D.C. area after an incredible time last weekend with the Phoenix Landing Organization. A little background is called for here:

I’ve known Ann Brooks since 2005 when we both attended the Natural Encounters Companion Parrot Training Class, or “Birdy Boot Camp” as I called it.  Ann’s a tad on the quiet side and I was sick as a dog having come down with some truly heinous bug I picked up from some guy who coughed on me on the way back from Haiti. Despite my feeling like ten miles of bad road and due to Ann’s ability to put up with this virus monster sitting next to her for days on end, we got along just great. I just had a feeling that she was going to accomplish something amazing. And I was right.

Ann has a fascinating background. Ask her sometime time about drinking Norwegian Glogg somewhere near the North Pole. I found Ann introspective, shrewd, extremely dedicated and very, very sharp.  Ann knew that she wanted to work with birds and well, she did it. And that’s a pretty tall order.

We managed to maintain a cyberspace relationship through the years and I would help Phoenix Landing as much as I possibly could. Being the southernmost outpost of PL didn’t give me much opportunity to help, but I did what I could here and there. I wish I could have done more, and hope to do more in the future.

Not long ago, she asked me if I wanted to do a presentation on Chop for the January Phoenix Landing get together. “Sure! Why not?” was my response.

So this past weekend, I flew up there with my “Got Chop?” T-shirt and hopped around in my “5 seasons-ago Non-Prada  boots” talking about Chop. Please forgive some of the photos, but when you’re talking and someone shoots your photo, invariably a few are going to make you look like a goldfish:

I made a slide show for you about the event.

Behold:

Needless to say, I had a blast! I haven’t had that much fun since traveling to Raleigh Durham to do my Chop Presentation for the Raleigh Durham Caged Bird Society.

The people I got to meet and the new friends I made was amazing. And I also got to meet people I’ve known on the internet and finally got to meet in person! Here’s Eileen:

And here’s Melissa!

I also met a ton more people I knew here and there and also got to see people I already knew, so it was just a wonderful gathering. We talked, we had lunch, we made plans…it was all good. (Vicky:”Up the stairs and to the right.” Is that correct?)

If you live in the area of D.C. or Virginia, or are around the Ashville, North Carolina area, you should really get involved with this non-profit. It’s a great group of people and they are making a HUGE impact on thousands of people and thousands of parrots. They are smart, savvy, incredibly well versed in applied behavior analysis, all things parrot and above all, they get the job done.

And it’s not about a lot of sitting around talking about their birds. They bring in speakers, organize projects and are proactive in the community with education about aviculture, training, adoption and of course they help people who are in need of assistance.

Please join these people for their wonderful warmth, their love of birds and their dedication to adoption, education and the welfare of birds. We can all learn from them. I loved my visit to Phoenix Landing and hope to come back soon. You can visit the Phoenix Landing website here. Just click on the PL logo. And if you can, please get involved. It’ll make you a better person. And I know that from experience.

The revolution I’m talking about is what’s going on in the average parrot’s diet. Yes, I’m talking about the “Chop Revolution.” It seems to be spreading far and wide and I couldn’t be happier. And if you’re in the Springfield, VA area this Saturday, January 7th, you have an opportunity to attend a Phoenix Landing event at ten a.m. in the morning. I’ll be talking about “Chop” and the entire concept and story behind it.  Here is the information:

Click on the Logo for more information!

NOURISH TO FLOURISH: CHOP CHOP! with PATRICIA SUND

SPRINGFIELD, VA
SATURDAY
January 7th
10:00 AM – 12:00 Noon
Grace Presbyterian Church
7434 Bath Street

I’ve been invited by Phoenix Landing to give a bit of an overview on “Chop;” how to make it, how to store it, and the benefits. I know it’ll be a ton of fun. Lots of people I haven’t met but have communicated with will be there and I’m very excited to be able to meet them. And I’d love to meet you too. I mean really; this is going to be fun.

First off, I can talk about Chop until I’m blue in the face:

I love talking about something I believe in. Ever notice when you take a photo of someone who’s speaking, their mouth is always open?

Phoenix Landing is a wonderful organization that was founded by Ann Brooks. And she got behind the Chop concept as soon as she saw the benefits and its efficiency. So I’m quite happy to come up and answer questions, fill in some blank spots and encourage people to make some Chop. So if you’re in the neighborhood, please, please swing by and say “Hi!” I hope to make sure it’s entertaining. See you there!

Janet’s Portuguese Water Dogs Looking Ahead

We’re wrapping up what I referred to in an earlier post, “An Eventful Year.” Yes it was. And not just for me, but for the Avian Community and the world. Not all of it was positive. Not all of it was a step in the right direction. But the learning that went on even during the worst of times was a positive thing.

I always like to look forward to the coming year in hopes that it will be better as a result of what I have learned and experienced. I like to be able to say that I know more now than I did a year ago. And I hope you all can very safely say the same. But what can we as an Avian Community do to make things better? How do we improve our lives and the lives of our flocks? Susan Friedman has a quote that she placed on the bottom of her emails by W. Edwards Deming:

 “Learning is not compulsory…neither is survival.”

I love this quote and while I find it astute, I find it humorous as well.  Even in Susan’s emails, she is forever the teacher. But if you think about it, in order to survive, animals are constantly having to shift with their environment, to adapt to what is happening around them or they perish. We should really follow their lead because they’re the ones getting it right. We’re the ones who are constantly trying to bend things to suit us and our lifestyle. We really need to become more “Gumbyish.”

If we began the new year learning more about diet, behavior and training, general care and enrichment, this will not only improve the lives of our birds, but in turn, our lives as well. And God knows I’m all for upgrades!

I’m not one for making any resolutions but I am one for thinking about stuff I want to accomplish in the coming year. One thing I’d like to do is take the American Federation of Aviculture’s “Fundamentals of Aviculture” online class. I think it would be very enightening and I know I’d learn a ton.

I also want to get more writing done. But then, I always want to get more writing done. 

I want to get my office straightened up. It used to look great. Now? Not so much. And no I’m not posting a photo…

I want to try and save more money. I’m pretty tight with a buck now as it is, but I could probably get tighter. Unfortunately I’m ruing the day that I discovered the “Kindle App” for my iPad. Amazon has never sold so many books to anyone since I did that. I warn you, it’s addictive.

But more than anything, I really want to get ahold of my life and really live it. Yes, I do that now, just as most of us do. But I’d like to get some things moving in the right direction and that is going to take a chuck of time, something I usually don’t have much of. So, I’ll just have to crowbar it in somewhere.

More than anything, I want people in aviculture to learn more about feeding their birds well. That is my hope for next year. I fully support positive reinforcement training, foraging, enrichment, great health care and Vet visits.

But as I once explained my zeal to someone who asked why I was so interested and enthusiastic about bird diet, “You can’t train a deceased bird.”

There’s other things I want to learn, to improve upon, to get better at.

Or as the Mad Hatter said to Alice, “You used to be much more… ‘muchier.’ You’ve lost your muchness.”

http://www.alice-in-wonderland.net/alice2a.html

I don’t want to lose my “muchness.” I simply want to be “Much more so.” Well, here’s to 2012 and “much more so.” May we all become “Muchier!”

http://www.alice-in-wonderland.net/alice2a.html

http://www.california-injury-lawyer-blog.com/tylenol.png

As Johnson & Johnson titled their Corporate report for 1982 in the wake of the Tylenol tampering, 2011 was for me, “An Eventful Year.”

January was a chilly month here in Florida and an active one for me as January normally is. The Houston Parrot Festival occurs every year in January which is an incredibly fun event. I plan on going again this coming January.

Mancuso!

As the year progressed, I blogged away, yakking about this and that as thoughts occurred to me, and I managed to cobble together a couple of pretty funny and entertaining quizzes that were shared be many. The post, “Preparing Yourself For Getting a Bird” proved to be a popular way of testing your “Parrot Readiness.” I was in a squarely mood that day and wanted to include a humorous test for people about getting a bird. It worked.

The “Animal Superheroes Contest” turned out to be one of the more popular posts of the year. There were so many entries that were incredible! But “Bart Man” and his Crew reigned supreme:

My essay, “I Don’t Believe in Starter Birds” rocked a few forums and became a subject of debate and discussion. It was occasionally referred to when someone on a forum asked what kind of “beginner “bird” they should get. You already know my opinion on that subject.  What began as a post about Irene Pepperberg coming to South Florida to speak and appear at a fundraiser dinner turned into a little fundraiser of its own.

From the post, “Dinner With Irene,” sprang “The Latte Factor Campaign.” I suggested here and at Facebook and Twitter, that everyone forgo one cup of their favorite designer cup of coffee, and send the money to The Alex Foundation.  It worked.

Right after this little adventure, The Midwest Bird Expo rocked the Chicago suburbs, as did the “Choppettes,” who ground, chopped and bumped their way into producing an enormous heap of Chop for the Bird Lovers Only Rescue.

Of course, it was during this little adventure that I woke up to Cookie the Penguin going solidly viral at Youtube. CBS Miami did a story about it, my life went nuts at that point and doesn’t appear to be getting any saner.

All along the way, my “Chop Concept” was gaining ground and due to the blog, high interest in a low-cost, low effort, efficient way of feeding good stuff to your birds, people were clicking on the blog videos of how to make Chop.

At the end of June, I lost my dog Mattie. Naturally, I was devastated and still miss her and think of her every day. She remains one of the most wonderful things that ever walked into my life. I wrote about it here: “Moving Through the Pain.”

Around August, the feathers hit the fan with this post, “An Urgent Situation.” This was the breaking news of the Troy, Ohio parrot hoarding incident and I was told about it two days before the rescues went in to attempt to get the birds out. Initially, I didn’t want to report it as I normally don’t post that kind of thing, but I relented and it became the tipping point to a wake-up call.

This, was the wake-up call: My post “An Avian Auschwitz” turned the tide in revealing hideous details of the situation and remains one of the most read and most shared posts here at PN. I wrote only two posts about the matter simply because I wrote only what I knew about it. I wasn’t there, I didn’t witness it and I’m not comfortable with speculation. But these posts did get around and people truly began realizing how much things need to change.

 I thought about this and other matters during a vacation in Charleston and cooked up this post with my idea for a “Summit.”  This began a dialogue that went well into Autumn. But what really got people talking was the video Best Friend Animal Society released on their Channel at Youtube. “The Truth About Parrots” was and still remains controversial and stirred up a dust storm that 20 molting cockatoos pale in comparison.

There were, of course other posts that were fun, well-received and entertaining to write. I’m still writing for BIRD TALK and The Bird Channel which I love. But this pretty much covers most of the highlights of 2011.

Was it an eventful year? Very much so. Not all of it was good. But so many good things did happen and it made the year a good one for Aviculture. While there were many negative events, birds got adopted or rescued, more people are learning how to better feed and care for their birds, and the awareness of the fact that something needs to be done about situations like the Troy, Ohio incident got people to think. To take stock of their own flock’s care and perhaps what they can do to pay it forward in some way.

 And to me, that makes it all worth it. Thank you all so much for stopping by this year, and I hope you check out next year’s adventures. I don’t know what’s going to happen in 2012. But I sure hope it’s interesting.

Thanks, Everyone!

How do you spend Christmas with your birds?  They don’t really understand this tradition and don’t get the stocking thing under the TV at all. (I live in Florida. If I want “Fireplace Smell” I use a ceramic ring for oils on a light bulb.) I know about explaining Christmas to them because I’ve tried. They seem semi-interested until Bill begins rattling around in the kitchen and that is cause for ignoring me and taking great interest in what’s going on in the kitchen.

In the past, I’ve hung their monogramed stockings with care under the TV hoping Santa would give a damn. He did because he inspired me to fill those freakin’ stockings with crap I thought they’d like. They did. They liked the dinner. They liked the cool food. The liked the added attention. The even seemed to like “A Christmas Story” over and over. (And over.)

But over the years, I’ve realized something. December 25th is just that to them. Another day in the year. I think to them,  Christmas should be every day.  And of course we really do give them gifts on Christmas because it makes us feel festive. We like to include them in our Christmas Traditions and it truly only is right that as members of our family that they share in the traditions.  My tradition for the last 25 years or so has been to work on Christmas. Not because I particularly want to, but because that’s what you get when you throw in with an airline. They issue you a flammable uniform and you proceed to strap yourself into a jump seat in a tube with engines on either side and fuel tanks that hold 11,500 gallons of highly flammable jet fuel for the rest of your career. They never promised you a rose garden. And they never promised you holidays off either. So off I went to fly. On Christmas, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Easter, it didn’t matter. Somebody needed to go somewhere. And it’s usually a lot of somebodies. So I flew.

Christmas Party for Flight Attendants That’s Stephanie!

And it’s a trade-off. I know it’s a trade-off, because it’s one I gladly made instead of living a normal life in which I would have quietly gone nuts. Now to me, working on a holiday is quite normal. Working weekends is normal. So we have had to adjust to this slightly off center way of life and work around it. When I was growing up, Christmas Day was no big deal. Christmas Eve was the Primo moment because Santa Claus came to the front door with the gifts. When other kids in school asked me what Santa left under the tree for me, I’d tell them he didn’t do that at our house. At our house, Santa delivered. I figured it was because we didn’t have a fireplace. And now of course, Christmas looks a little different where I live:

Whatever your Christmas or other holiday traditions are, you can make it even more special to you and your animal family by including your animal companions in them. People might say, “They don’t know the difference!”

But they will if you include them. They will if they get a special treat. They will if they get more one-on-one time with you. To them, that’s really special. You might think they wouldn’t know or wouldn’t care. But they do care. They notice more than we realize. And they appreciate the treat or the time. Occasionally, it’s the little things that mean the most.

As the Holiday commences, and the crazed shopping winds down, my schedule ramps up. But during those times when I’m at home, I will be spending those extra minutes with each of my birds, just so they know that not only is this a special time of year; but they are special to me. And that makes all the difference.  Happy Holidays, everyone. And thank you.

Always eager for a chance to sit down,  (although when I talk on the phone I usually pace…) I picked it up.

“Hello.”

“Hi. This is Mike from AT&T. I have an interesting and exciting promotion that could possibly save you money.” (Or something like that…)

Now, I normally don’t get upset at solicitors when they call. They are just doing their job. This was no exception. I was polite and thought, “Okay, let’s see what this sucker has to offer. I wouldn’t mind dropping my connection bills by doing a little ‘bundling.’”

 ”Okay, Mike. Hit me.” All I could think of was this song:

So Mike went into his spiel. He and I talked things through and he asked about the internet speed I was getting at Comcast. I told him, “Honey, don’t ask me how fast my internet speed is. I have no idea and I’ll bet you already know, don’t you?”

“Well, actually I do.”

“You’re sticking to the script aren’t you?”

“Well, kind of.” And he laughed. So did I. We were at least on the right track. This guy had a sense of humor and he was honest.

So we worked out what I was shelling out on my internet and cable TV bills. He told me what he could do. I told him if it was only a year contract at that price what would happen in a year? Were they going to jack up the prices again and I’d be in worse shape than I already was? I then went into this long meandering rant about how the corporations of the world never keep their promises. I subjected Mike to my position of puzzlement at my car insurance rates that seem to go up even though the value of my vehicle depreciates. Why is that? I’m always stumped by that one. I am paying more for insurance now than I did in 2002 when I bought my car. This makes absolutely no sense at all to me. He agreed with me.

I then explained how I worked for a major airline and the promises they’ve made to me that seem to be flying away and disappearing. How we got onto to airplane lavatories is beyond my memory at this point but we did and I then explained the mysteriousness of airplane lavatories to customers on my flights to Haiti and how they simply couldn’t figure out how to work them, from opening the door, to flushing the toilet and exiting again. I then tied this into Corporate America and told him that Ryan Air, an Inter-European Airline at one time considered making their toilets into a pay-per-use type deal.

Mike couldn’t quite wrap his head around that one.

“You mean, they want to charge the passengers to use the john?”

“Yeah! Hey, How old are you? Because I remember pay toilets when I was a kid.”

 ”Get OUT!”

“Naww! I’m serious. They had pay toilets in airports, bus stations; I think it cost a dime.  They have them in Paris near the Eiffel Tower.”

“I’m thirty. Are you serious?”

“Oh yeah! The little mechanism worked like a gum ball machine. You stuck your dime in, turned the little knob, pushed the door and the door would open. And I know about the Ryan Air deal because I’m a Flight Attendant. Oh, and I’m a writer. So this internet deal is really important.”

“You’re a writer?”

“Yup.”

And we got off into another string of thoughts which revealed that he served quite a bit of time in Iraq and he began discussing the johns in Iraq and how the people there have a different way of getting business done in the restroom. When he told me, I nearly heaved. Suffice it to say, it doesn’t involve toilet paper.

And it’s essentially disgusting…not sure they are too familiar with the concept of E. coli over there.

At this point, the birds started up a ruckus.

“What do you write about? And are those birds I hear?”

“Yup. And that’s what I write about.”

Turns out his Grandfather has a B&G Macaw and a Grey. So while he was selling me stuff, I sold him the idea of getting his Grandfather a subscription to BIRD TALK for Christmas.

“Just think Mike. You can tell your Grandad that you sold the columnist on page 7 a package at AT&T.”

And so we finally got back to business again, comparing plans and figuring out how much I would save by bundling my internet and cable with my home phone. Turns out it was a pretty good savings and included 3 gift cards worth 75 bucks and he waived the installation fee. He promised that they were sending professional AT&T installers. I responded, with something snarky like,

“As opposed to what? Volunteers?”

He laughed and said, “No, I mean they actually work for us. We don’t job it out.”

“So they don’t go to work in a small bus. And they aren’t wearing impact helmets and toddler tethers?”

We were both laughing now. I mean we were having a great time!

So I asked him, “Do you like your job?”

“Beats gettin’ shot at.”

He had me there. But I have to tell you I haven’t had a conversation with a guy over the phone that I had never met, never was going to meet and probably would never speak to again that was as much fun. After talking to him, I really felt that there was no way I could pass up on the offer from a guy like that.

Did he work me? Sure he did. That was his job. But I set the rules ahead of time. He had to be honest with me, he had to compare apples to apples and he had to bring it down as low as it could go. No hidden fees, no up-charges and no backstage philandering in the contract. I told him what MCI did to me and I said to Mike, “That is never going to happen again. Odd Todd referred to MCI as “Filthy scum liars” in this video by Todd Rosenberg; aka “Odd Todd”: Laid Off:A Day in the Life 

I think he knew at that point I wasn’t playing. Mike managed to get me a great deal and it was one of the most pleasant and fun solicitation calls I’ve ever received.  So sometimes, getting a sales call isn’t a complete drag. And as Mike said, “It beats getting shot at.”

And I’d like to say hello to Mike and his wife because he promised me they would both visit my blog. So “Hello” to both of you and thanks so much Mike, for not only saving me money, but for hanging around in Iraq when you were in the service.